Day 21 - Almost done with

Hooray, 4:33 in the morning. I am up for another exciting day. Nothing excites me more than waking up to the thought of you. I'm done checking my phone for messages in hopes that you will say at least hi. Or at least think of me. At least once or twice a year because of the way I walk my big toenail just comes off. At first I thought it was exciting and weird, but now it's just normal. I remember when the first time It happened. I was sitting on the couch and I took off my sock in my whole toenail on my big toe just dangle there. No blood in sight and no blood oozing pus, It was just really tender. I was pretty amazed by it actually in retrospect it should've been painful I almost got some salt out to put on the tender spot. But the fact that it wasn't hurting why add more pain to it. I remember I received a telephone call that morning holding my big toenail I was doing three or four things at one time while I was on the phone and I must've accidentally put my big toenail in the silverware drawer without even knowing. I got off the telephone I started looking for the toenail I, I could not find it anywhere. After a while I just gave up and started my day. There was this girl that wanted to come over and hang out I watch a movie. I said of course let's do it. So she came over we decided on Chinese food. This was delicious Chinese food. When the food arrived there was only chopsticks. Now I know how to use chopsticks and I tried to show her but she got frustrated so I told her there is a fork in the silverware drawer. She must've found what I was looking for earlier that day. She lost her appetite left and I never heard from her again.

I don't know which one was worse, but I also had a girlfriend that didn't have any friends so I told her to go make some friends. She did at a church. It was a Mormon church she came over and told me that we can no longer date because she was a Mormon. I seem to strike out everywhere. So just like my toenail I am barely hang in there in the so-called reality of life. I don't know why I wake up so early and go to bed so late I wish I had nothing on my mind I wish I could see you smile more time. I also wish that John Candy, Bob Ross and Jim Henson we're still alive too. I have more of a chance and seeing them alive than seeing you smile again. I feel like my whole existence right now is a constant and continuous Home Alone scene on a loop - The one were Kevin McAllister is walking back from the grocery store with his head down his bags full, then the bittom rips and everthing he has managed to haul back falls everywhere. He just stands there. I am grateful for never throwing in the towel no matter how much I want to every day every second, I have been so very close so many times it may still happen but it hasn't happened yet.