I Can Only Handle So Much

It happened again. I wasn't ready for it, I'm actually never ready for it when it happens. 

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I will tell you about the first time. As you may have notice I walk as if there is an earthquake happening all the time. I except that. I can however walk and chew gum at the same time. It takes a lot of concentration, but I make my dreams possible. I lived in a one bedroom apartment in the armpit of Reno, NV. The walls were glossy from years of body sweat. The dishwasher only wanted to work on Fridays. My tub was filled with headless duck stickers. The cabinets were held together by the work force of termites holding hands. There was a homeless couple digging through the trash every morning at 6am. All they wanted were cans. More quiet tin cans. They also drug around  three other silent trash bags full of cans. Cans that never touch each other in the bag. Why? Cause they knew I liked to sleep. I never slept passed 6:05 am. Fuck CANS are LOUD.

The carpet, a beautiful light brown stained piece of shag (as my dad would say when something is cheaply made) "made by them China people tinkering on Mondays at 11:39pm. This carpet was so worn out, small threads in the shape of loops began to rise. One morning, oh around 6AM! I woke up from cans telling themselves to be quiet. Needless to say I was going to out and offer the homeless couple my wheel barrel. Unfortunately I didn't quit make it. I found myself laying face down in my living room. In shock, I picked myself up and went along to other fantastic projects. Something wasn't right though. I remembered being in a lot of pain before I hit the ground. I heard the sound of duct tape being pulled and a slight breeze to a newly open flesh wound. My big toe nail ripped off. A small piece of my toe nail caught the carpet loop just right. I sat on the couch figuring out what to do with a big toe nail while applying first aid. I was in shock I just put the toe nail in the silverware drawer. 

Later that night I had a girl over for Chinese food. She had no idea how to use chop sticks and grew impatient. I told here there is a fork in the silverware draw. I don't think she said goodbye, we were only four minutes into Letterman too.

I loose my big toe nail at least once a year now.