Monday, August 27, 2012

The Prediction Show NFL 2013...Just a Hunch



I love football.
I hate when my team looses. (testosterone level falls)
I hate when the Packers, Redskins, Giants, Eagles, 49ers, Steelers, Broncos, and Patriots win!
I love getting lost in the games.
I love the feeling when my team wins. (testosterone level raises)

Along with football, comes fall. Autumn, is a beautiful. Summer, is a beautiful liar!
Halloween and hoodies.

And Football!

For the last two years, I have really tried to predict the out come.
I'm always right.
The teams just never listen to me.
So, I would like to try this again.
Maybe they will listen.


AFC - American Football Conference

EAST - A pathetic division, a bunch of dicks and classless swaggers

New England Patriots - (10 - 6) See east, Brady can suck-it!
Buffalo Bills - (8 - 8) You know why the Bills can't have any cereal? Because they lost all their bowls.
Miami Dolphins - (5 - 10) The two wins come from the Jets, one win from the Patriots, and two other wins from the Heat.
New York Jets - (1 - 15) Face the facts, even on toilet paper Tebow is an awful player. In their only win, the defense sacks the unknown comic Arizona Cardinals QB for a safety 2 - 0 Jets win.

NORTH - Dirty, Dirty, Dirty

Baltimore Ravens - (12 - 4) This team is tough, rough, and sometimes stupid. Keep focused, see you in the Super Bowl.
Cincinnati Bengals  - (9 - 7) Super Sleeper Team, ACTIVATE! Wait, wait, wait, this isn't right! Or is it?
Pittsburgh Steelers - (7 - 9) All I can say is, the Browns and Bengals are a helluva lot better. Stop! Can you win, stop? Get a cheerleader squad already, stop! Send it.
Cleveland Browns - (6 - 10) At least, from what I hear, Cleveland has a kick-ass toy store.

SOUTH - Here Comes the Honey Boo-hoo Express!!

Houston Texans - (10 - 6) If the QB (Schaub) can control his (and not this) team, They could be tough in the playoffs.
Tennessee Titans - (8 - 8) Most of the defense is old, good receivers, over-rated running back (Johnson), and no Super Bowl WINS.
Indianapolis Colts - (7 - 9) Colts fans are excited about, 2014. When these young Colts will turn into Stallions!
Jacksonville Jaguars - (3 - 13) This is how the Jags will win games this year.
Doddalee Doo, Doddalee Do......And mark that down in the win column.

WEST - Homies, Pudwackers, Small Sparks..........and the Chiefs.

Oakland Raiders - (?? - ??) I hate this division. Although the Raiders represented (or tried to) the AFC in 2003. They were the last team in this division to do so.
Denver Donkeys (??Broncos??) - Manning will be hurt in the first game. Jim Druckenmiller is forced out of retirement for more Bronco losses.
San Diego Super(lame) Chargers - (?? - ??)This is the only team that plays as if they were on the field in a swarm of honey bees.
Kansas City Chiefs - (?? - ??) me laughing .... yes the first 10 or so seconds is me laughing.......Horrid I know, like the season for the KC Chiefs!

  NFC - National Football Conference

EAST- I will always hate 3 of these teams.

Dallas Cowboys - (11 - 5)
New York Giants (G-men) - (8 - 8) The Giants still haven't thanked the 49ers or Kyle Williams for last year.
Philadelphia Eagles - (8 - 8)  Suckie, oooooo are you an Eagles fan? I'm sorry. *chucking a D battery at you*
Washington Redskins - (8 - 8) Mike Ditka said it best, defenses win games, not the all new RJ3 bot...*Bloop Blorp fizzzz 

NORTH - We call that snow, yes even in Detroit.

Green Bay Packers - (12 - 4) Yeah they're going to be ok, but I rather watch listen to Bubble Puppy and eat Limburger cheese, than watch anymore stupid wrestling belt touchdown dances.
Detroit Lions - (9 - 7) I think they are good.....just something about the word "HYPE", I just don't trust.  Remember "The Green Lantern"? Burger King and Sprite believed the hype!
Chicago Bear - (8 - 8) Remember when the BEARS went to the Super Bowl? You don't? Ask a Colts fan. Sorry can't help you, Cowboys fan.
Minnesota Vikings - (5 - 11) I couldn't figure out, much to brag about, well Prince lives there. They have ten thousand lakes! Ok, but slow down Slug.

SOUTH - Ludacris, Master P, T Pain, and Stephen Colbert

New Orleans Saints - (11 - 5) No coach and signs of hurricanes, this season should only feel like a three hour tour to victory. The weather may get a little tough in the playoffs.
Carolina Panthers - (8 - 8) Cam Newton will make or break this team in 2013. 
Atlanta Falcons - (7 - 9)They rely on the "Deep Threat" pass attack way to much. FYI If you google "Deep Threat", you're gonna have a bad time.......or you may like big black porn stars.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - (5 - 11) They are still ashamed of this



WEST - Wow, I had no idea St. Louis was that close to the Pacific Ocean. Yeah! Reading Rainbow!

Seattle Seahawks (11 - 5) This young powerful will shock everyone this year. That is why I'm laying down 5 bucks (Thanks Jake) for them to represent the NFC in the this years Super Bowl.
San Francisco 49ers - (9 - 7) Super hard schedule, minus the 2 time the play the Cardinals. So I dunno.
St. Louis Rams - (6 - 10) I still have no clue why Jeff Fisher would coach a team who beat him in the Super Bowl. Oil and Water? V and D? Gordon Ramsay in an Arbys Kicthen?     
Arizona Cardinals - (2 - 14) No QB, No D, Empty seats, still 94 degrees in December......Kurt please come back, but leave your wife at home.

SUPER BOWL 2013
will
be

VS.


Seattle wins 27 - 19

Good night!
The Carelessmind


1 comment:

  1. Dallas at the top of their division. Doubtful. I think your wrong about the Redskins. To much pass threat for a non-existent Dallas secondary. I will bet 40 that Washington has better record at the end. Seattle will never get past the 49ers. Don't agree with you very much on this one but love reading it blog either way.

    ReplyDelete