Carelessmind Batter

I like drama.
I like fiction
I like bums hanging out in the kitchen.

The thrill of driving of a cliff while slamming your breaks in mid-air may seem pointless. However if you were traveling with Boxcar Willie and you were in wearing a wind breaker the fall would hurt just as bad.

Why don't zombies just eat other zombies. Case closed.

A guy walks into a bar. He see a little kid playing the piano. He walks up to the little kid and says, "Hey Kid!".
The kids says,"I'm 8!"

For the fun of it throw a few Gobstoppers in a bowl of Peanut M&Ms.

The official alarm clock song  Slayer - " Angel of Death"

Wal-Mart shopping list:
-Butter
-Sanka
-Bufferin
-Shotgun shell (slugs)
- House dress
- baby socks

Ladies never flash us your bra. If I wanted to see a bra, I'd go to Macys

How a Careless Mind Thinks

Let me first start out by saying, I don't hate. I just tend to dis dis dis dislike a few things, a lot. I think people in general are good. However some tend to do some damage in their lives. Some of it is repairable and some of it is just irreversible. The only things I can honestly say I hate are my idiot mistakes. They make me feel discouraged and careless at times. A feeling of hopelessness lingers over at times too. In these times I catch myself starring. If a wall is painted the color blue. I ask myself, "Why is this the color blue", or "Is it just amazing that I can see". Then I start thinking about everything that is blue. Captain Crunch wears a blue hat.
Captain Caveman, Captian Crunch, and I were riding the Greyhound to Smipiko Valley. A (bob) grimm dark place haunted with a few wanna-be ghosts. Captain Caveman had a runny noes so Captain Crunch took the liberty of caring the Caveman's club and a bottle of Madd Dogg 50/50 to an abandon Wienerschnitzel building. I tipped the bus driver two dinner mint and used copy of Roseanne season 3 on DVD. The one where Darline gets her first period. Then the bus driver told me to watch out for knife jacking pumpkins.
"In May, it's so blue today?"
"Yes, all year my friend", the Greyhound bus driver slammed the door closed.
The bus very slowly drove off a cliff a few seconds later. I quickly checked my pockets for my opened pack of Fun Dip. Praying to God the bus dust did not make it into my cherry portion. There was a hint of monkey in the air as I caught up to the Captains and swirled my crazy stick in the cherry powder. We walked into Smipiko Valley. Captain Caveman was not looking good, it may be the altitude that is effecting him. Caveman was currently recovering from many years of rage and a ridiculous porn addiction. I was puzzled with Captain Crunch, he on one hand was quiet, never seemed to change his clothes and his blue hat. I was dieing to wear it, or at least try it on once. I was walking ahead of the captains to get a view of the valley ahead. In the distance I saw a Blockbuster. Now I dis dis dis dis dis like BB and its outrageous prices. The way they try and sell, sell, sell, sell, you old Bonkers Fruit candy. When the only thing you went in for is a copy of something they only have 3 copies for and its the first release week for that copy! SO it's option B get the next thing. When asked, did you find everything ok, and your reply is NO. It shuts up the employee real fast. Blockbuster is a company that should be gone soon. As a former employee I look forward to that day. Viva La Blockbuster. Although on the bright side it will be safe for Captain Caveman to go in. Blockbuster has no adult sections.  I still have my blue name tag from Blockbuster. I worked in the Las Vegas store with, we will call him Redskins. He was a Cowboys hater, and I hated the Redskins. On a Thursday night at 10pm, when there were two hours before closing we would -

• Run next door to Krispy Kream and eat donuts
• Throw around a football in the store and knock down movies
• play Scar Face on the display TVs
• take turns taking naps in the break room
• I was a cool careless boss
• We would set up fake accounts with bad ass names

More things I should not confess here too. When I moved back to Reno months later I was told it was turned into an Auto Zone or Long John Silvers. MMMMMMM I must say I have a weak spot for a few things. One of them being Long John Silvers. I know the place reeks of old people and vinegar, but the hush puppies and chicken planks. Oh man that is some good shit. Although the last I had this deliciousness, I was in Denver. I went through the drive through window, ordered, went home and set it down on the table. I do like clean hands. Did I forget to tell you I smile before I dive into my Long John Silvers? Well, I do. I am washing my hands in my bright yellow bathroom with the stupidest grin on my face, awww yeah LJS is just moments away from my mouth. I turn the water off, dried my hands, and I as I turned my body the top half turned and went forward. However my feet were a few seconds behind and as they were catching up, my right pant leg was caught. This caused the bottom cupboard door to open and my left had nowhere to go. I fell over the cupboard door. I fell so fast my elbow slammed into the door jam then spinning my body in a small circle. A second later the top half of my body is laying in the hallway. I can'yt move my arm.  The scent of LJS is echoing down the hallway and I can't move to get up. Sampson the bulldog comes up to me licks my face, farts then leaves. The fart blocked the mouth watering chicken planks for a few minutes. This I thought was the kindest fart. Sampson knew I was in pain and hungry, he cured my hunger. About an hour later I was on my feet and sadly my LJS was cold. I threw it down the garbage disposal, put on Cat Stevens, held my head low and flipped the switch. However the garbage disposal was broken. Somehow it became a graveyard for shot glasses. I am really not a fan of this color blue, I don't mind midnight blue, but come on man! Blue? Ok just for the record all babies are ugly, until they can walk or start talking or start reading the Wall Street Journal. And you can get the Wall Street Journal delivered to your house for one flat rate. I know this because I learned it from you. We can dance if we want too. I was asked the question,"Would you like to be invisible or fly"? I think I would like to just float around. Like a few inches off the ground. This would allow me to chew gum and walk at the same time safely. I could fall or jump off of cliffs or buildings. I haven't quite figured how I could sit-float and move at the same time though. I guess I need to learn how to float first. OK my eyes are telling my mind they are heavy and that they are so fucking special. Good Night

A Break in the Action

My old roommate and friend Mr. JP a true Miami Dolphins fan. Him and I used to live in the ghetto or the heart of Sparks, NV. We were in a small two bedroom apartment. The swamp box was and is still located behind a Kmart. Between the Kmart and our rat trap was an alley loading dock area. A normal trashy area for truckers to unload future Blue Light specials. However after the sun went down a bright yellow safety light would shine in the alley. This would draw a shitload of hooligan bugs near. The kind of bugs that wore their pants around their knees. The kind who made up words and never completed a full sentence.

"Jah, wudup fool"
"Me and skee gots you"
"Hunk down"
Man, that boy, shiiiit"
*bang* *bang*

At this point I would move my bed from away from the wall. Although I would still peak outside through the venetian blinds from time to time. Scuzz and utter discuss was all that went through my head. Unstructured conversation, gun pops, and the occasional fist fights were never really mentioned in the brochure. Also not the in the brochure to this armpit apartment was a little Hispanic boys named George. This little afro charmer does not knock on the door. He bursts right in, hanging on to the door knob and wall. His giant head of hair and his goofy smile.

"Jew got any popsicles", as he sway back and forth.

This poor little boy said "Jew" instead of "You".  Although we were warned every time he came by, as his afro poof was only thing bouncing pass the dinning room window. I made the mistake of actually buying popsicles one time. I had this cheap big ass bag of popsicles chilling out in the freezer. One day the bobbing hair went by the window, and two seconds later.

"Jew got....
"In the freezer"

I sat on the couch. George grabbed a chair, scooted it over to the freezer (old fridge, freezer on top), and mind you his goofy ass grin was huge at this point. I realized sometime later he just had really big teeth. He climbed on my chair with his shoes on and tried to open the freezer door. The door to the freezer stuck a lot due to an exploding Pepsi can. So I am a fan of kids doing stupid things. This was a moment I can replay in my mind for life. George gripping the freezer door attempting to yank it open. His tongue dangling out from between his teeth and the small grunts between each yanking attempt. Mind you this next set of actions happen all within five seconds.
The freezer door flies open.
The handle George was once gripping swings into his forehead at ludicrous speed.
George falls back on the chair.
The chair falls back.
This happens so fast George has no time to stop smiling.
The back of the chair crashes into a few pieces as it hits the kitchen floor.
The freezer door swings slowly back and forth.
George lays on the ground for a second looking up.

"Jew ok", I asked him. Of course I was laughing my ass off.
"Yeah, stupid chair broke."

13 Nights of Praying - The Big Boy 13

The last few nights have been a reflection of the past. While I pray those were the sorta things that popped into my mind. Before laying down last night, I walked outside and sat on the porch steps. I love the weather this time of year.  I saw a shooting star, a big one. It lit the entire midnight sky for a few seconds. And of course it was my duty to make a wish.
While there were a few things on my mind last night, I just laid down flat on my bed focusing on the future. If I were to pray with these future questions, then who was to answer them? I was clearly debating this argument in my head. Would the world be different if we had our thoughts and wishes answered? Would it provide more stability and would we even have to worry about hope? If I were to wake up tomorrow and have my slate clear of answers, I think his would be a boring place to live. We all have stress, but why worry so much on something that can't be fixed with glue. I'm no expert, but I have woken up lately and just started smiling. It has really made the day whole lot better. However you have to smile, not a fuck off smile, but a real smile. Even if you are just smiling at the ceiling. Laughter works too. Make sometime to laugh while walking down the hallway to brush your teeth. Stop making excuses like, "I just woke up". Smile bitch get your day on! Your future is watching you.

I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite  -  ELF

Cheers,
The Careless Mind

13 Nights of Praying - night/day 12

This song will explain a lot.
Confused.?
I was and still am a little bit.

It started in senior year of high school. The aptitude test, a placement in today's world for my tomorrow.  A fifty page questionnaire that would hopefully place me in a snug, well rounded working environment.  Maybe it would say I would be great as a doctor, or build tall buildings and bridges, or maybe even develop my own pair of running shoes and shotgun lines. This would be ( insert cool word that was used in 1995). Weeks later our results were in. I was close to not opening it and chucking it in the trash. Now that I think about it, that would of been a great idea. However that would have been wrong of me for someone to work so hard to tell me what I was good at and potentially become in this world. I held the letter close to my head.

Me - Piggly Wiggly
*Rip*
*blow*
*slide the letter out*
Me - Miss Piggy's wedding night

OK I got side tracked, Carnac the Magnificent was great.

*Rip*
*blow*
*slide the letter out*
The print on the letter was small. All that needed to be said was in one short paragraph. It was a generic paragraph with the exception of my full name.

Congratulations! After further studies with your answers provided we find you can succeed in the following careers listed below;

1. Tattoo Artist

2. A Circus Clown

I don't even like clowns and I'm not very good drawing stuff especially when blood is involved. That test is total bullshit. If I were a teacher and it was required for me to hand this crap out to my students. I would tell them it's bullshit and its only purpose would be for entertainment use or toilet paper only. I am the least bitter person I know. I find it funny and nothing more than a thought. I would rather travel, find pointless jobs and enjoy life. Then to devote myself into a career and realize one day, "Where did my life go".
Hmmmmmmm.
Where does my next journey take me? I will know October 6th.

Cheers,
The Careless Mind

13 nights of Praying - Night (-11)

Women Drive Men Crazy and Men do Stupid Shit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvrCmOT_Zng


OK, well I hope you at least watch this link before reading more. It's not the official Snow Patrol song, but it is made well. The song "You Should Be Happy" goes well with all of my past and near misses in the relationship field. I never kiss and tell, so I'm not going to list my relationships and give the reasoning why it never worked out. In the end it's just really about being happy. If you can do that then, you will be just fine. I'm not upset about any of my break-ups, I'm more angry at myself for the ones I missed out on.

me - "Hey how are you, I haven't seen ya in days".
her- "Why did you stop talking to me, I liked you, a lot".
me - (silent)
her - *"Check out my new ring".
     *the ring is clearly a sign you will NEVER have that chance again.

It's my fault. I take total blame for all my actions. Wholly shit, that's it! I get scared. Scared that I may screw it up somehow. Not in a cheating way, in a way unexplainable from a guys point of view. The rule of thumb is the lady is always right. That is something hard for me to understand. Now maybe I am just getting two things confused.

1. Scared
and
2. Doing things on my way own for awhile

What if I can't watch football games on Sunday? I get scared, I love football.
OK we have seen four chick flicks this month, when can we see a thrasher flick?
I hate onions and bleu cheese. This does not mean I'm a picky eater? No, I'm just simple sometimes. I simply like just cheese and ketchup on my burger. Why would you tell me, I am a picky eater every time we go out?
Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff -
What stuff are you talking about woman!? The sneaky ones will drop hints, the bossy ones will just flat out tell you, the shy ones will show signs of being poudy, pouty....powty...poutie? for the rest of the day.

Now this is not bashing all women. It's just scared barking feelings, I could be nuts. I could be nuts, hell I don't know anymore.

I have done my share of stupid things. (just to name a few)

• Talking on the Intercom at Wal-Mart announcing "there's a blue light special in my pants"
• Watching my first porno with my buddies and stating "He's got a tan line" (I still get shit for that one)
• My first time getting drunk involved camping at the trees in Pyramid lake, no fire wood and no ax, but hell we can chop anything down with a shot gun.
• Putting an ad in the newspaper classifieds "Will trade one Sega Genesis and Weedwacker for a car" ( had one call he wanted to trade his Bobcat, whatever that was)
• I turn everything upside down in bathrooms that I will never use again.
• I ripped a hole in my Buick Skylark after I went off road in the mud.
• I duct tapped a Mc Fish under my bosses chair. It may still be there.
• Letting the good ones go

There is a needle I am searching for. I must be in the wrong hay stack or the needle is  just starring at me.

"You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?" - Steve Zissou


G'night,

The Careless Mind

13 Nights of Praying - Night 10.0

Imagining growing up differently.

In my Garbage Pail trading card years, I was a curious kid. I would search in restricted airport private property desert areas for golf balls. I usually did this with my buddies. We would ride our bikes to the fenced off areas and see a shit load of golf balls calling out our names just on the other side of a barbwire fence. They were just old golf balls, but the stories we made of how the golf balls got there were pretty amazing now that I think of it. Ok, we were 9. (I will share them later). So, like I said I was curious, always wanting to see beyond what I couldn't see.
           When I was six, the year I can hardly remember. I was sitting bitch in my grandpas old 1973, 4 ,8,2 Ford truck. It was a stick and it had a camper shell on it. My grandpas two nephews tagged along too. I remember driving on a bumpy ass dirt road, my favorite shorts wore the 7up for most of that ride. I was short and could hardly see over the dashboard(years later my friends would wrap up phone books for my 16th birthday). So I always saw my grandpa shifting. He stopped at a fork in the road. There were two almost identical bumpy dirt roads. The nephews wanted to go left, my papa turns to me and says which way do you wanna go? I place my chin on the dashboard. Not to be difficult, but to be noticed and to feel the power of taking charge at this very moment. I point right. Both front wheels turn right, and the next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. All off my limbs strapped to the bed, my speech was gone, and about forty people hoovered around my bed. I was a curious kid. I wouldn't want anything different in my life now, it is what it is. Although if I had to imagine one event differently, I would of slept on the dirt road, maybe agreed with the nephews, I don't know. I, don't know. It's an image tattooed in my mind.
           My Mother and I were walking out of  Mc Mann's furniture store in Reno. Its not really the best way to spend a Saturday during a school year. Getting yelled at for jumping on new beds and touching everything in sight. Well I eventually pissed my mother off and we left. As we were coming out she told be I wasn't going to get a cherry Slurpee. No fucking way I said to myself, just not in those words. So my once "yes we are leaving the store" smile, quickly turned into a fierce revenge face. I drug my whole body along the side of McManns. Until I reached some kind of pipe draining system, a storm drain about  four feet high off the ground. It was gold and shinny. All that went though my mind was buried treasure or cash has to be up there. With my mom walking ahead of me I rolled my sleeve up and jammed my whole arm up there. A few things happen just then;
A) There was no treasure up there
and
B) My arm was stuck, and I mean stuck stuck!!!
My mother freaked out and went back inside to McManns to call the fire dept. So when she came back out, not only were there a few more folks with her, she brought; the store manager, the old guy security guard, a few families, and a dude with a pillow. I tried to sit on the pillow. The conversations went something like this.........

What made you stick your hand up there?
I thought there was gold.
What?
I was looking for treasure.
So, you stuck your hand up there?
Ummmmm I have to go to the bathroom.
But your arm is stuck
I know, I know

I realize how stupid people can be sometimes. I heard the sirens from the fire truck. This made me smile cause I always wanted to drive one. Sadly though a siren causes many more stupid gockers to stare and ask really dumb questions.............

Can't you just pull your arm out?
No (I think the tears of panic started in)
What do you feel up there?
The inside of this pipe.

Now the News people decide to show up and ask me more question on TV as I piss my pants with my arm up a pipe.

I just wanted a cherry Slurpee!!!

I was free four hours later.

Gnight
The Careless Mind

13 Nights of Praying - Night 9?

Night 9 begins with a garden of feelings.

When we pray, do we think to our self, "who do we direct this prayer too"?
I say anyone dead people, persons alive, pets, food, or in some cases cartoon characters. Prays the almighty Blender!
Last night I really wanted to be heard from Curly of the Three Stooges (it was a toss up between him and Bob Ross). I sit for ten seconds to clear the mind. A place of temporary purgatory gives my soul a fresh new feel. I hear nothing, I see nothing , I feel at peace. I have stop using the pray words and instead I thought and thanked everyone who makes me laugh and smile everyday. Curly was the first person to make me laugh. I was 5ish. I would sit up late and record their 20 minute shorts on TBS, most nights. One night a few ants decided to camp out in my left ear after I fell asleep on the living room floor.. I woke up screaming as Curly Nuyk Nuyk Nuyk'd it right up. My dad sat me on the bed, lit a match next to my ear, then blew the match out into my ear. This smoked out the ants. Moments later I was rewinding the VCR tape and watching the Stooges I had slept through.
My feelings, I don't really share with anyone, and I'm fine with that. I will just say that I am a neutral person who loves to laugh.
A few years ago, I took this girl on a date to see the movie ,"Along Came A Spider" or maybe it was "Kiss the Girls". We sat down and started a small chat. I asked her if it was wrong of me, If when an Asian person cries, I sometimes get confused. Because it appears to me they might be laughing. It's a 50/50 shot, but I always go with laughter. Not more than ten minutes into the movie two helpless Asians are in an apartment balling their eyes out. I am an asshole sometimes, but that day I was knighted. Sir Asshole Al.
Weather its fart jokes, dark comedy, a fat kid wearing yellow, a person chewing out someone else, Awesome-o, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, or my grandpa telling his corny jokes I simply love to laugh. Even if it is inappropriate too. For everything/one that makes me laugh or smile I thank you. Thank you Curly for letting me laugh til it hurt.

G'night
The Careless Mind

13 Days of Praying - Night 3, 4, 5 ,6 ,7, and 8

Let me just first state this. Blogging requires the Internet. I don't blog well while eating a Big Mac sitting in Ft. Bragg.
I fell off a yellow slide, I drank red wine called "It's Not my Fault", I cranked up Billy Ocean, played a little Polish golf, and fell a few more times injuring myself. All of this, plus more, while visiting in Ft. Bragg. Well dammit, I can heal. It's in the power of praying. That is .....from what I'm told.  Will things seem to subconsciously be better off while we pray? And after how many nights of praying? And what if you forget too pray (like I did on nights 5 and 7)? I believe its a state of meditation. A 10 second pause from the world around you. You don't need to speak or hold your hands together. It doesn't even have to be dark out. I would just take deep breath in and deep breath out. Possibly focus on anything that is/was good that day. Simple, like that.

"God don't Make the Laws" - The Sheila Divine - Hum

Most things we want we pray for. Most of the time its a call of desperation.

"God I hope I get this job," said Jim Bob.
"You say some prayers and the good Lord will listen," Mama Kettlefoot replies.
-Hope-
In many cases its more of a lack of, or wearing a tie to the interview. You dumb fucking kids wearing crooked hats and Orlando Magic jerseys to an interview piss me off. Get a clue.

"Please almighty one, let Larry live," Susan asks ever so peacefully." I promise I will do anything to make him stop smoking."
-Miracles-

Doctors are brilliant and some are even known as Gods. Little miracles workers reading the oven with their hands......oppps wrong Miracle Worker there, my bad. A great doctor will flat out tell you, you will die die a slow painful death from lung cancer, Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or maybe a little high blood pressure from you got it, kidney failure, or get lucky and switch to a tracheotomy, now in reversible bingo dauber form.

"Oh shit, someone hit my cat," some dumby shouts.
-it's a cat-

 Praying for me, so far, is just silly. Have you not seen where we go when we die? In the ground, fried to bits, or staying classy in an urn on the mantle of the fireplace next to Uncle Marty's Moose head. Yep thats me. Ok most people won't get that reference.

And now more word from M.C. Hammer-
     "Living high,living good,living long, (That's word,we pray) Take a minute,bust a prayer, And you're good to go"

Good Night,
The Careless Mind
 
Tomorrow Feelings ugh!

13 Days of Praying - Night 2

So I prayed last night. In my MC Hammer PJ pants of course. I swear if I could wear PJ pants everywhere, I would. In fact I do sometimes. Why is it when I pray, alone in the dark I think of the following;
-Sour Patch Kids-
-Nick Cage's The Weatherman-
-South Park "The City Walk "episode-
-candy-

Maybe it's because I'm not focused, Daniel son. And is it true that you must believe in something for it to be come worthy? The only God I believe is in my head. Is it wrong that I'd rather watch the Cleveland Browns on a Sunday than to pray in church? I am conducting this little journey because, I believe in hope and miracles. And not some holly roller dude watching out for us. I'm not out to offend someones beliefs or make you think other wise. Why do we pray?

"One, a morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness" -Hank Moody-

Ok maybe that why we have one night stands. Tonight I will focus and lean heavy on my strenghts - Hope and Miracles.

Good night,
The Carelessmind

13 days of Praying - Night 1

"We got to pray just to make it today I said we pray (pray)"
       -MC Hammer-

I will be quoting more Hammer as I attempt to "make it" today. I am going to pray for 13 nights straight. I' am not religious, and can not be talked into it. I refuse to be tortured, I just want to live my own life. Don't preach to me about your God, political views, or how cute your kids are. I may seem very angry now, but the fact of the matter is I'm laughing right now.

"And on my knees every night, you know I pray. That's word,we pray(pray)"
       -MC Hammer-


See how I just lighten the mood.
While I pray for 13 days straight, night, whatever. I won't lie, it may make me wanna poke someones eyes out or it may move me in a spiritual mediation way. I could just sit with my legs crossed and simply hum. This would tickle my lips and relax me. However I will pray out loud using all forms; laying down, closing my eyes, kneeling against the bed, laying on the lawn looking at the stars, group prayer, drunken prayer, couch prayer, and I may come up with a few more.
As for the prayer I will use the the following(if I can remember it);
   
     The classic 18th Century - "Now I Lay Me"
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake, (if I should live for other days) The PG version
I pray for God my soul to take.

.......that's it, nothing more, nothing less. I will not pray for the lotto, to own a horse, or want to be Mel Gibson(1982) ..........

Good Night,
    The Careless Mind