13 Nights of Praying - night/day 12

This song will explain a lot.
Confused.?
I was and still am a little bit.

It started in senior year of high school. The aptitude test, a placement in today's world for my tomorrow.  A fifty page questionnaire that would hopefully place me in a snug, well rounded working environment.  Maybe it would say I would be great as a doctor, or build tall buildings and bridges, or maybe even develop my own pair of running shoes and shotgun lines. This would be ( insert cool word that was used in 1995). Weeks later our results were in. I was close to not opening it and chucking it in the trash. Now that I think about it, that would of been a great idea. However that would have been wrong of me for someone to work so hard to tell me what I was good at and potentially become in this world. I held the letter close to my head.

Me - Piggly Wiggly
*Rip*
*blow*
*slide the letter out*
Me - Miss Piggy's wedding night

OK I got side tracked, Carnac the Magnificent was great.

*Rip*
*blow*
*slide the letter out*
The print on the letter was small. All that needed to be said was in one short paragraph. It was a generic paragraph with the exception of my full name.

Congratulations! After further studies with your answers provided we find you can succeed in the following careers listed below;

1. Tattoo Artist

2. A Circus Clown

I don't even like clowns and I'm not very good drawing stuff especially when blood is involved. That test is total bullshit. If I were a teacher and it was required for me to hand this crap out to my students. I would tell them it's bullshit and its only purpose would be for entertainment use or toilet paper only. I am the least bitter person I know. I find it funny and nothing more than a thought. I would rather travel, find pointless jobs and enjoy life. Then to devote myself into a career and realize one day, "Where did my life go".
Hmmmmmmm.
Where does my next journey take me? I will know October 6th.

Cheers,
The Careless Mind

13 nights of Praying - Night (-11)

Women Drive Men Crazy and Men do Stupid Shit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvrCmOT_Zng


OK, well I hope you at least watch this link before reading more. It's not the official Snow Patrol song, but it is made well. The song "You Should Be Happy" goes well with all of my past and near misses in the relationship field. I never kiss and tell, so I'm not going to list my relationships and give the reasoning why it never worked out. In the end it's just really about being happy. If you can do that then, you will be just fine. I'm not upset about any of my break-ups, I'm more angry at myself for the ones I missed out on.

me - "Hey how are you, I haven't seen ya in days".
her- "Why did you stop talking to me, I liked you, a lot".
me - (silent)
her - *"Check out my new ring".
     *the ring is clearly a sign you will NEVER have that chance again.

It's my fault. I take total blame for all my actions. Wholly shit, that's it! I get scared. Scared that I may screw it up somehow. Not in a cheating way, in a way unexplainable from a guys point of view. The rule of thumb is the lady is always right. That is something hard for me to understand. Now maybe I am just getting two things confused.

1. Scared
and
2. Doing things on my way own for awhile

What if I can't watch football games on Sunday? I get scared, I love football.
OK we have seen four chick flicks this month, when can we see a thrasher flick?
I hate onions and bleu cheese. This does not mean I'm a picky eater? No, I'm just simple sometimes. I simply like just cheese and ketchup on my burger. Why would you tell me, I am a picky eater every time we go out?
Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff - Buy me stuff -
What stuff are you talking about woman!? The sneaky ones will drop hints, the bossy ones will just flat out tell you, the shy ones will show signs of being poudy, pouty....powty...poutie? for the rest of the day.

Now this is not bashing all women. It's just scared barking feelings, I could be nuts. I could be nuts, hell I don't know anymore.

I have done my share of stupid things. (just to name a few)

• Talking on the Intercom at Wal-Mart announcing "there's a blue light special in my pants"
• Watching my first porno with my buddies and stating "He's got a tan line" (I still get shit for that one)
• My first time getting drunk involved camping at the trees in Pyramid lake, no fire wood and no ax, but hell we can chop anything down with a shot gun.
• Putting an ad in the newspaper classifieds "Will trade one Sega Genesis and Weedwacker for a car" ( had one call he wanted to trade his Bobcat, whatever that was)
• I turn everything upside down in bathrooms that I will never use again.
• I ripped a hole in my Buick Skylark after I went off road in the mud.
• I duct tapped a Mc Fish under my bosses chair. It may still be there.
• Letting the good ones go

There is a needle I am searching for. I must be in the wrong hay stack or the needle is  just starring at me.

"You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?" - Steve Zissou


G'night,

The Careless Mind

13 Nights of Praying - Night 10.0

Imagining growing up differently.

In my Garbage Pail trading card years, I was a curious kid. I would search in restricted airport private property desert areas for golf balls. I usually did this with my buddies. We would ride our bikes to the fenced off areas and see a shit load of golf balls calling out our names just on the other side of a barbwire fence. They were just old golf balls, but the stories we made of how the golf balls got there were pretty amazing now that I think of it. Ok, we were 9. (I will share them later). So, like I said I was curious, always wanting to see beyond what I couldn't see.
           When I was six, the year I can hardly remember. I was sitting bitch in my grandpas old 1973, 4 ,8,2 Ford truck. It was a stick and it had a camper shell on it. My grandpas two nephews tagged along too. I remember driving on a bumpy ass dirt road, my favorite shorts wore the 7up for most of that ride. I was short and could hardly see over the dashboard(years later my friends would wrap up phone books for my 16th birthday). So I always saw my grandpa shifting. He stopped at a fork in the road. There were two almost identical bumpy dirt roads. The nephews wanted to go left, my papa turns to me and says which way do you wanna go? I place my chin on the dashboard. Not to be difficult, but to be noticed and to feel the power of taking charge at this very moment. I point right. Both front wheels turn right, and the next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. All off my limbs strapped to the bed, my speech was gone, and about forty people hoovered around my bed. I was a curious kid. I wouldn't want anything different in my life now, it is what it is. Although if I had to imagine one event differently, I would of slept on the dirt road, maybe agreed with the nephews, I don't know. I, don't know. It's an image tattooed in my mind.
           My Mother and I were walking out of  Mc Mann's furniture store in Reno. Its not really the best way to spend a Saturday during a school year. Getting yelled at for jumping on new beds and touching everything in sight. Well I eventually pissed my mother off and we left. As we were coming out she told be I wasn't going to get a cherry Slurpee. No fucking way I said to myself, just not in those words. So my once "yes we are leaving the store" smile, quickly turned into a fierce revenge face. I drug my whole body along the side of McManns. Until I reached some kind of pipe draining system, a storm drain about  four feet high off the ground. It was gold and shinny. All that went though my mind was buried treasure or cash has to be up there. With my mom walking ahead of me I rolled my sleeve up and jammed my whole arm up there. A few things happen just then;
A) There was no treasure up there
and
B) My arm was stuck, and I mean stuck stuck!!!
My mother freaked out and went back inside to McManns to call the fire dept. So when she came back out, not only were there a few more folks with her, she brought; the store manager, the old guy security guard, a few families, and a dude with a pillow. I tried to sit on the pillow. The conversations went something like this.........

What made you stick your hand up there?
I thought there was gold.
What?
I was looking for treasure.
So, you stuck your hand up there?
Ummmmm I have to go to the bathroom.
But your arm is stuck
I know, I know

I realize how stupid people can be sometimes. I heard the sirens from the fire truck. This made me smile cause I always wanted to drive one. Sadly though a siren causes many more stupid gockers to stare and ask really dumb questions.............

Can't you just pull your arm out?
No (I think the tears of panic started in)
What do you feel up there?
The inside of this pipe.

Now the News people decide to show up and ask me more question on TV as I piss my pants with my arm up a pipe.

I just wanted a cherry Slurpee!!!

I was free four hours later.

Gnight
The Careless Mind

13 Nights of Praying - Night 9?

Night 9 begins with a garden of feelings.

When we pray, do we think to our self, "who do we direct this prayer too"?
I say anyone dead people, persons alive, pets, food, or in some cases cartoon characters. Prays the almighty Blender!
Last night I really wanted to be heard from Curly of the Three Stooges (it was a toss up between him and Bob Ross). I sit for ten seconds to clear the mind. A place of temporary purgatory gives my soul a fresh new feel. I hear nothing, I see nothing , I feel at peace. I have stop using the pray words and instead I thought and thanked everyone who makes me laugh and smile everyday. Curly was the first person to make me laugh. I was 5ish. I would sit up late and record their 20 minute shorts on TBS, most nights. One night a few ants decided to camp out in my left ear after I fell asleep on the living room floor.. I woke up screaming as Curly Nuyk Nuyk Nuyk'd it right up. My dad sat me on the bed, lit a match next to my ear, then blew the match out into my ear. This smoked out the ants. Moments later I was rewinding the VCR tape and watching the Stooges I had slept through.
My feelings, I don't really share with anyone, and I'm fine with that. I will just say that I am a neutral person who loves to laugh.
A few years ago, I took this girl on a date to see the movie ,"Along Came A Spider" or maybe it was "Kiss the Girls". We sat down and started a small chat. I asked her if it was wrong of me, If when an Asian person cries, I sometimes get confused. Because it appears to me they might be laughing. It's a 50/50 shot, but I always go with laughter. Not more than ten minutes into the movie two helpless Asians are in an apartment balling their eyes out. I am an asshole sometimes, but that day I was knighted. Sir Asshole Al.
Weather its fart jokes, dark comedy, a fat kid wearing yellow, a person chewing out someone else, Awesome-o, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, or my grandpa telling his corny jokes I simply love to laugh. Even if it is inappropriate too. For everything/one that makes me laugh or smile I thank you. Thank you Curly for letting me laugh til it hurt.

G'night
The Careless Mind

13 Days of Praying - Night 3, 4, 5 ,6 ,7, and 8

Let me just first state this. Blogging requires the Internet. I don't blog well while eating a Big Mac sitting in Ft. Bragg.
I fell off a yellow slide, I drank red wine called "It's Not my Fault", I cranked up Billy Ocean, played a little Polish golf, and fell a few more times injuring myself. All of this, plus more, while visiting in Ft. Bragg. Well dammit, I can heal. It's in the power of praying. That is .....from what I'm told.  Will things seem to subconsciously be better off while we pray? And after how many nights of praying? And what if you forget too pray (like I did on nights 5 and 7)? I believe its a state of meditation. A 10 second pause from the world around you. You don't need to speak or hold your hands together. It doesn't even have to be dark out. I would just take deep breath in and deep breath out. Possibly focus on anything that is/was good that day. Simple, like that.

"God don't Make the Laws" - The Sheila Divine - Hum

Most things we want we pray for. Most of the time its a call of desperation.

"God I hope I get this job," said Jim Bob.
"You say some prayers and the good Lord will listen," Mama Kettlefoot replies.
-Hope-
In many cases its more of a lack of, or wearing a tie to the interview. You dumb fucking kids wearing crooked hats and Orlando Magic jerseys to an interview piss me off. Get a clue.

"Please almighty one, let Larry live," Susan asks ever so peacefully." I promise I will do anything to make him stop smoking."
-Miracles-

Doctors are brilliant and some are even known as Gods. Little miracles workers reading the oven with their hands......oppps wrong Miracle Worker there, my bad. A great doctor will flat out tell you, you will die die a slow painful death from lung cancer, Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or maybe a little high blood pressure from you got it, kidney failure, or get lucky and switch to a tracheotomy, now in reversible bingo dauber form.

"Oh shit, someone hit my cat," some dumby shouts.
-it's a cat-

 Praying for me, so far, is just silly. Have you not seen where we go when we die? In the ground, fried to bits, or staying classy in an urn on the mantle of the fireplace next to Uncle Marty's Moose head. Yep thats me. Ok most people won't get that reference.

And now more word from M.C. Hammer-
     "Living high,living good,living long, (That's word,we pray) Take a minute,bust a prayer, And you're good to go"

Good Night,
The Careless Mind
 
Tomorrow Feelings ugh!

13 Days of Praying - Night 2

So I prayed last night. In my MC Hammer PJ pants of course. I swear if I could wear PJ pants everywhere, I would. In fact I do sometimes. Why is it when I pray, alone in the dark I think of the following;
-Sour Patch Kids-
-Nick Cage's The Weatherman-
-South Park "The City Walk "episode-
-candy-

Maybe it's because I'm not focused, Daniel son. And is it true that you must believe in something for it to be come worthy? The only God I believe is in my head. Is it wrong that I'd rather watch the Cleveland Browns on a Sunday than to pray in church? I am conducting this little journey because, I believe in hope and miracles. And not some holly roller dude watching out for us. I'm not out to offend someones beliefs or make you think other wise. Why do we pray?

"One, a morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness" -Hank Moody-

Ok maybe that why we have one night stands. Tonight I will focus and lean heavy on my strenghts - Hope and Miracles.

Good night,
The Carelessmind

13 days of Praying - Night 1

"We got to pray just to make it today I said we pray (pray)"
       -MC Hammer-

I will be quoting more Hammer as I attempt to "make it" today. I am going to pray for 13 nights straight. I' am not religious, and can not be talked into it. I refuse to be tortured, I just want to live my own life. Don't preach to me about your God, political views, or how cute your kids are. I may seem very angry now, but the fact of the matter is I'm laughing right now.

"And on my knees every night, you know I pray. That's word,we pray(pray)"
       -MC Hammer-


See how I just lighten the mood.
While I pray for 13 days straight, night, whatever. I won't lie, it may make me wanna poke someones eyes out or it may move me in a spiritual mediation way. I could just sit with my legs crossed and simply hum. This would tickle my lips and relax me. However I will pray out loud using all forms; laying down, closing my eyes, kneeling against the bed, laying on the lawn looking at the stars, group prayer, drunken prayer, couch prayer, and I may come up with a few more.
As for the prayer I will use the the following(if I can remember it);
   
     The classic 18th Century - "Now I Lay Me"
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake, (if I should live for other days) The PG version
I pray for God my soul to take.

.......that's it, nothing more, nothing less. I will not pray for the lotto, to own a horse, or want to be Mel Gibson(1982) ..........

Good Night,
    The Careless Mind