Online Dating is Hard - a Quick Summery Why

I'm #1.....0r 2.....What ? 12, Really, I'm Your #12.

On my path through dating sites. I have noticed a few things.

Roses - are not just a flower anymore

Do you party - does not mean there is a keg to tap


The older I get the less likely it is that I will be someones #1. The age range to become someones little fuzzy-bunny-honey #1 is most likely between the ages of 12-28. That doesn't mean an 80 year-old can't find their #1. But it's about how we fall in line.

I was recently on Pleantyoffish.com or POF, whatever and how ever you want to google search it. The site has some major flaws, with zero customer service help. One night I had logged out of my account went to sleep and woke up the next day to log in. I had instantly changed into a Hispanic 22 year old who does not own a shirt. All of my pics were changed, my awesome screen name was stolen. After I had logged off and logged back in I could not log back in.  I was forced into making another wonderful profile. I used two of my favorite things. Cats and Tacos. Then it dawned on me.

Cats and Tacos are my #1 and #2 favorite things. No woman could ever become my #1, or could she? I have no kids and currently have no tacos or cats. SO a woman could come in and be my #1.

But wait!

What if she has three children, then I will never be #1. I'd always be #4.

But wait!

If she has three children, two dogs, then the likely hood of being #4 is shoved down to #6 at best.

But wait!

If she has three children, two dogs, and a childhood best friend, then the hammer comes down at me landing at #^@&#*#@*$*7

But wait!

If she has three children, two dogs, a childhood best friend, a dying beloved grandmother, then I would only be at #8 for smidgen.

But Wait!

If she has three children, two dogs, a childhood best friend, a dying beloved grandmother, where I would only be at #8 for smidgen, but she has always loved Disneyland and pizza. The math gets a bit dicey at this part. I will just say, ballpark, uh, err, ummm.... between #23 and #37.

Hey dog, welcome to the back of the line, in two to three months!

So the next time you go searching for your #1, make sure the the pic of her or him is with out numbers :)

Good-luck, I'm deleting my account

and eating tacos.

Good Night Chris Cornell

George Eastman invented the Kodak camera. He did something that no other person at the time did. He made sure that hundreds of small town folks could share and save their memories. Eastman touched the lives of families and in the process made Kodak a household name. Kodak was a word he just made up, it had no meaning, and that's what Eastman wanted. By the age of 77, George Eastman took his own life with a shotgun. He left a note saying "My work is done, why wait?"

Who knows what Chris Cornell was going through May 17, 2017 on the Detroit stage inside the Fox Theater. As he was singing, did age catch up to him? He was a recovering addict, did he slip and not tell anyone? Did he realize his bands would never reach that high peak again? Cornell has a family, he is well off, he has seen the world. He is loved by other talented musicians, fans, and other respectable people. As more details unfold, Cornell left a bizarre note and was found hung, an apparent suicide in the MGM Grand Hotel. Whatever Cornell's struggles were he made an impact on my life. He thanked me for everything I had done. I am just a fan. I bought the records. I went to live show. I am just a fan. So, Thank you. Thank you for making me still sing out loud in my car, blasting your music loud and just sharing your beautiful mind with the world. If that is what you wanted, you succeeded sir. 

Scott Weiland, Layne Staley, and even Kurt Cobain are the pioneers of a type of rock music that changed the world of music, grunge rock. Eddie Vedder (same age as Cornell)  is also included in the bunch, but for him his work is not done yet. 

The Thought of Death Still Lingers with Happiness

Chuck Klosterman wrote a book call, Killing Yourself to Live. In 2012 I went to three foot doctors who told me the best way to live without pain is to amputate my right leg from the knee down. I can remember that long pause sitting in the room with the doctors and hearing the buzz coming from the florescent bulbs in the white walled room. I stared at the paper on the padded bed I was sitting on. I felt a tear in my eye that lingered, waiting for a blink, yet I just stared. They told me as I looked at the x-rays that bones are deteriorating. Today my foot is 60% worst now. I have to consistency lean on things to walk around, even with my A.F.O. brace on. 
Today I went to the movies by myself, again. It had rained while the movie was on. After the movie ended I walked to my car, tripped on the sidewalk fell down hard. I just sat there in silence, I thought about the paper on the padded bed. When I sat their on the wet sidewalk, I felt alone, so alone, even more alone when I secretly listen to the Dave Mathews Band. I am killing the time I have left on this place called earth. I couldn't of just died at six-years-old when I fell of that cliff. Fuck you turd cliff. This has to be a some creators sick joke. 

Creator: Let us drink whiskey from the river

Hours later.......

Creator: Let us make, or I will make *burp* some guy's life rough..... he will live, he will love sports, but can not play them, he will love the movies, but never write one, he will like women, but never have one, he will ..... 

Me.

I was at work the other day the small does of dopamine kicked in and the thought of death made me happy. The truth of the matter is I have spent so much time of my life, the core the great late twenties, all of the thirties spending my time alone, with no one. I don't even have anyone to bitch at or tell them how my day was, hell even ask me how my day was. It just make me more cynical and to change is hard, harder than you would ever believe. I have never wanted pity, no, never thank you. The truth is I would never do anything to harm myself, I am to chicken. Cluck cluck. Is there an escape plan for this? I know people live in fear, stress, unhappiness, anxiety, loss and so on. So why me why am I special, that fact is I'm not. I just want to know why the fuck I am here. My brain is already developed, it's difficult to pick up and learn to draw or play an instrument. Outside of my mother and grandmother no one has ever told me I am good at anything. I try and get up everyday with my best effort I try not burn the day away.  I end up with a pocket full of matches.

Should I Be Asleep? Sunday was Suppose to be Funday

Should I be asleep? No, others might think otherwise. Who? Just ask a "normal" person what time they go bed. Then ask them what time they actually fall asleep. I go to bed when I nod off. This birthday week has kicked my ass. Sometimes it's hard being so far from my people. Then again they are all grown up and have their own lives to deal with. Maybe I will get a van and build a small cabana straw hut somewhere on the ocean, but still have a TV for football and all. Anyways good news is I lost 2lbs over the weekend! Bad news is it was all from my scalp.

I have this on again off again pal who is four, who is related to one of my best friends. So this on again off again pal of mine got to stay here fer 7 straight days!!! Yee Haw!

Who needs an alarm clock when a four-year-old pounds on my door at 6am and says

 "Wake up shithead."

If and only if I want to sleep in and ignore his pleasant pounding at the door, I then wake up to 

"So how did you like sleeping all day?"

Mind you this is the same kid who gets D's and T's mixed up.....The term  "Please tickle me Albert" 

gets mixed reviews in a public setting.

I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up. He said a window licker.....then proceeded to lick my door! He is never going to make as a window licker.  

 
                                                       Cohen...aka "Doug Durff Shithead"

                               His favorite things: two bunnies, streetlights, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd

                                                               sssslapping the crap out of me!!

 

 This is my new free alarm clock

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR RANDOM STUFF!!!!!!

This is one of my favorite songs of this year .. !Mayday! & Murs - "Here"

 This is Bloomfield, CO at the scary pumpkin patch with Cohen...aka "Doug Durff Shithead"

 Doug being a Durff

 This is Kris, his father my best friend, who tells his son to go wake me up in the morning.

 This is a pumpkin......it's broken, I like it.

 Someone said...."I can't afford a pumpkin so I will carve one out real quick like in this field".

 This is me on Thaterday!

 This is the last picture I took with my old camera, my last days in Reno!

This is a school project I had to do ......can you name all the Beastie Boys songs? (hint: there is only 4)

Ok ....one more.... Murs - "Everything"



Movies to watch!
St. Vincent
Life After Beth (Halloween-ish)
Life of Crime (the prequel to Jackie Brown)

I Should be Asleep ....(My Birthday)

I should be asleep, but yet it again it happens every October on the cusp of the brisk fall season, my birffday. I'm terribly sorry I sound like a douche bag when I say birffday. The correct term is simply birth-day. Another day not to feel special or really make a point of it anymore. I do have a lot to show for being on this earth so long; I have my collection of McDonald's monopoly pieces from 1996, my awesome cardboard cutout of the 1994 "Dumb and Dumber", an epic trip into stupidity, my sweat nerf turbo football, and a flying Fuck helicopter that my brother gave me.

 

Here's one thing I like and I hate at the same time. Birthday cards, thank you I like them, I appreciate them, they are thoughtful and caring and so on, but what do I do with them, say in March, well I'll tell you what I have done with all my birthday cards. I put them in a box with other birthday cards. I'm not a hoarder, but I can't seem to throw the damn things away. I have this thing where I might get asked to bust out a card at a party. 

"So you uh, still got that birthday card I sent you four years ago?"

"Yeah, see it's right here"

"Right on"

 I have 2 damn boxes and an old ice chest full of cards. Cards to get well, thank you cards, birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Easter......every dang holiday, except for St. Valentines Day. The only thing I ever got was a box full of Garbage Pail Kids, and I can't fucking find them.

Right now I'm listening to a CD, yes a CD, a mix tape type of thing. I will give it my best shot at naming songs.

1) The Grouch & Eligh - "All In" - It's a fun song

2) Buck 65 - "The Centaur Lyrics" - Groovy

3) Radiohead - "Street Spirit" - Depressing, but beautiful

4) Lovage - "Strangers on a Train" - I could listen to this song all day long, tingles 

5) Gogol Bordello - "Sally" - The dancing pants song off

6) Puscifer - Green Valley

7) Buck 65 - "Paper Airplanes"

8) Eyedea & Abilities - "One Twenty" - That was hard to find!!!

9) The Devil Makes Three - "Old Number 7"

10) Atmosphere - "Hey Lucy"

11) Guttermouth - "Lipstick" 

12) Nofx - "Linoleum"

13)  Josh Martinez and awol one - "Strut" (Edit)

14) Jack White - "Love Interruption"

15) Marcus Mumford & Oscar Isaac - "Fare Thee Well"

16) Matt Costa - "Desire's Only Fling" 

17) Johnny Cash - "Bird on a Wire"

18) Matt Costa - "Behind the Moon" 

19) Handsome Boy Modeling School and Mike Patton - "Are You Down With it"

20) Elliot Smith - "Tomorrow Tomorrow"

21) Marcus Mumford & Justin Hayward -  "Don't Think Twice"

22) The Devil Makes Three - "The Plank"

23) Pixies - "Where's my Head"

I did it, good for me! Yay for birthdays.

Birthdays = 

For someone like myself, I would go as far back as to kill or scrap the idea of a 12 calender year. In fact I would of vetoed time altogether. Society would of adapted itself by now. The animals know when to sleep, eat, and mate. What if months, years, and time wasn't apart of our lives? Yes, the birthdays and ages would disappear, vanish. This is probably a topic I have no clue on, just a thought. I do hate getting older, especially when I walk into a game store to by a Nintendo WiiU for myself.

"So, is this is for you?"

"Yep"

"You a single father?"

"Nope"

"Ok then $426.49"

"I want to play Cake Mania 4, Ok!"

"......my little brother plays that game"

Play first

 

Play Second

I have wanted to scrap everything and just run so many times, just burn all my shit and explode. The one time I was determine in my life (granted I was drunk and it was January, cold, and snowy) I was living in Reno and I said fuck this shit, I'm walking to the ocean. I got to the end of the street before my best friend held me down, I never fought so hard to get free in my life. I never made it to the ocean that time, but years later I returned to toss a bottle into the ocean, with a message that has yet to be read.

Music by: Lord Huron

Movies to watch:

Trick R Treat

Obvious Child

Two Night Stand

I Should Be Asleeeeep ..............(Time to Listen)

Step one: Press play
Step two: Smile
Step three: Profit


Well I should be asleep, however I have been ignoring something close to me. Ignoring it for almost all of my life. I am a terrible person. Oh-Ho-Hum....

This is something that could make me happy, but not rich, although in the long run collectively healthy. I may have ingested scars on to it and gush the stabbing-stabbers of daggers through it, though time takes away all of it. The beat goes on'n'on'n'on.....

For many year I have been the clumsy buffoon known as the Tin Woodsman. Except the only difference was Mr. Woodsman wanted a heart. A girl came into his life and led him to a heart. Although she did ditch him, told the scarecrow that he was her favorite, then click her heals and she was gone. Years later Tin, now its just a rumor, but he turned into a green goofy monster who's heart shrank three whole sizes. Not to mention he stole Christmas presents and such, every Christmas Eve. He was pretty much a bad ass, so he thought.

I know its there, but I need to make it thump to the right beat again. I suppose it's just time to listen to it more. My brain is cloudy sometimes and my gut always thinks its going to starve, but my heart heats up, releasing butterflies, and on may occasions slurs my speech. Hang on let me take a moment close my eyes and listen.............There I listened and it won't be easy, but its saying happiness takes time, so....hurry the fuck up :)


I have idea.

Do What the Heart Says Challenge   

Day 1: Hug a stranger/Blog

Day 2: Ask someone how they are doing/Blog

Day 3: Make 5 people smile/Blog

Day 4: Share a song together with someone/Blog

Day 5: Bake (anything) share it without eating one thing/Blog

Day 6: Write a nice note then place it anonymously in public so anyone will be touched by it/Blog

Day 7: Buy someone hungry food and listen to their story/Blog

Day 8: Remind yourself your never to busy to listen and call someone/Blog

Day 9: Take 10 pictures/ Blog

Day 10: Write a letter and put it in a bottle to throw it in the ocean or big body of water

Day 11: Write ten great things about yourself

Day 12: Buy flowers for anyone?Blog

Day 13: Get rid of things you will never use or need!/Blog

Day 14: Plan for something big and follow through/Blog

Day 15: Buy a box of Cheerios and replace it with the stale box from 4 years ago, this time eat them /Blog

Day 16: Take a nap in the grass or lay down a enjoy it

Day 17: Give a book to someone, sign it, and tell them read it then sign it and pass it along

Day 18: Eat better, the heart will respond better/Blog

Day 19: Watch Groundhogs Day and know the meaning of it/ Blog

Day 20: Do something no one who knows you would never expect you to do

Remind yourself that life can be like your best day ever.

I said I have an idea, I didn't say I was going to do it!

I had a request to start recommending movies. I will try and match movies with each of my blogs.

* Check out these 6 Movies *

Return to OZ (Amazon Prime)

All the Real Girls (Amazon Prime)

Take This Waltz (Netflix)

Beauty is Embarrassing (Amazon Prime)

Short Term 12 (Netflix)

Life in a Day (Netflix)

 

I Should Be Alseep........#RW

I Should be Asleep..............but I started binge watching Robin Williams today as most are or have done so today. He was a great talent that will be lost. I can't help but think as I watched a few of his movies and a half dozen comic clips that I don't think someone could stop him from doing what he did. Williams used a cycle of making people smile, cultivating audiences, and the miles of laughter he brought to all of us year after year we will all cherish. I watched a few interviews where Williams looked terribly sad. I mean down in the dumps shitty. It is sometimes easier to ignore the clues when that someone is the life of the party, super funny, hilarious to everyone except, when it comes to their selves they can't get themselves to laugh at all. They seem to make the world around them shine full of laughter and then close the door and stair at the wall and wonder where their joy is. Sadly, I don't think anyone would of saved that man that night. When someones done they are done. He found his own way out. I can't lie, for the next few days I am gonna visualize a scenario of Williams last 10 minutes alive. Questions I will never have answered. I know that, I'll just enjoy what he left us with. I hoped he would of...........It doesn't really matter now.

 He always seem to make me laugh, even when he was in a bad movie. I only met him once on the set of "Father's Day". He was playing the fake slot machines between takes, while Billy Crystal hid in his trailer. I had a cup full of fake coins and was told to stand next to the same slot machine. I stood and watched him laugh while he pulled the arm of the slot machine. While I was watching with in arm length away we made eye contact. I said Hi
He said, "Hi" .....and from there a magical conversation that made me smile for that 30 minutes was one of the best experience I have had on a movie set. He didn't care what I asked him, he just wanted to know more about me. In the end -He said- It was a pleasure to you may I sign your socks? I only had a napkin, but he signed and I placed it in a book.

Some of my favorite movies from Robins Williams are

6. What Dreams May Come

5. Insomnia

4. Popeye

3. One Hour Photo

2. The Fisher King

1. Toys ( I have always gotten grief for this one)

Toys is visual stunning for its time, unique, weird, strange, sad, odd, and I love it!

-Thank you for sharing -

 

Death scares the hell out of me, because I know I haven't seen or witnessed enough of it. I retired from stand up after 3 shows, not because I sucked at it (I did), but I could see this dark tunnel sucking me in.

Some sign of depressions I witness with others
- They are always wishing what they did in the past.
- Drinking Alone....(all the time)
- Isolation, becoming a mole
- Thinking it's to late in life for anything good happen
- Rapidly becoming to comfort in an unhealthy environment