Should I be asleep? No, others might think otherwise. Who? Just ask a
"normal" person what time they go bed. Then ask them what time they
actually fall asleep. I go to bed when I nod off. This birthday week has kicked my ass. Sometimes it's hard being so far from my people. Then again they are all grown up and have their own lives to deal with. Maybe I will get a van and build a small cabana straw hut somewhere on the ocean, but still have a TV for football and all. Anyways good news is I lost 2lbs over the weekend! Bad news is it was all from my scalp.
I have this on again off again pal who is four, who is related to one of my best friends. So this on again off again pal of mine got to stay here fer 7 straight days!!! Yee Haw!
Who
needs an alarm clock when a four-year-old pounds on my door at 6am and says
"Wake up shithead."
If and only if I want to sleep in and ignore his pleasant
pounding at the door, I then wake up to
"So how did you like sleeping all
day?"
Mind you this is the same kid who gets D's and T's mixed up.....The
term "Please tickle me Albert"
gets mixed reviews in a public setting.
I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up. He said a window licker.....then proceeded to lick my door! He is never going to make as a window licker.
Cohen...aka "Doug Durff Shithead"
His favorite things: two bunnies, streetlights, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd
sssslapping the crap out of me!!
This is my new free alarm clock
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR RANDOM STUFF!!!!!!
This is one of my favorite songs of this year .. !Mayday! & Murs - "Here"
This is Bloomfield, CO at the scary pumpkin patch with Cohen...aka "Doug Durff Shithead"
Doug being a Durff
This is Kris, his father my best friend, who tells his son to go wake me up in the morning.
This is a pumpkin......it's broken, I like it.
Someone said...."I can't afford a pumpkin so I will carve one out real quick like in this field".
This is me on Thaterday!
This is the last picture I took with my old camera, my last days in Reno!
This is a school project I had to do ......can you name all the Beastie Boys songs? (hint: there is only 4)
Ok ....one more.... Murs - "Everything"
Movies to watch!
St. Vincent
Life After Beth (Halloween-ish)
Life of Crime (the prequel to Jackie Brown)
I should be asleep, but yet it again it happens every October on the cusp of the brisk fall season, my birffday. I'm terribly sorry I sound like a douche bag when I say birffday. The correct term is simply birth-day. Another day not to feel special or really make a point of it anymore. I do have a lot to show for being on this earth so long; I have my collection of McDonald's monopoly pieces from 1996, my awesome cardboard cutout of the 1994 "Dumb and Dumber", an epic trip into stupidity, my sweat nerf turbo football, and a flying Fuck helicopter that my brother gave me.
Here's one thing I like and I hate at the same time. Birthday cards, thank you I like them, I appreciate them, they are thoughtful and caring and so on, but what do I do with them, say in March, well I'll tell you what I have done with all my birthday cards. I put them in a box with other birthday cards. I'm not a hoarder, but I can't seem to throw the damn things away. I have this thing where I might get asked to bust out a card at a party.
"So you uh, still got that birthday card I sent you four years ago?"
"Yeah, see it's right here"
"Right on"
I have 2 damn boxes and an old ice chest full of cards. Cards to get well, thank you cards, birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Easter......every dang holiday, except for St. Valentines Day. The only thing I ever got was a box full of Garbage Pail Kids, and I can't fucking find them.
Right now I'm listening to a CD, yes a CD, a mix tape type of thing. I will give it my best shot at naming songs.
1) The Grouch & Eligh - "All In" - It's a fun song
2) Buck 65 - "The Centaur Lyrics" - Groovy
3) Radiohead - "Street Spirit" - Depressing, but beautiful
4) Lovage - "Strangers on a Train" - I could listen to this song all day long, tingles
5) Gogol Bordello - "Sally" - The dancing pants song off
6) Puscifer - Green Valley
7) Buck 65 - "Paper Airplanes"
8) Eyedea & Abilities - "One Twenty" - That was hard to find!!!
9) The Devil Makes Three - "Old Number 7"
10) Atmosphere - "Hey Lucy"
11) Guttermouth - "Lipstick"
12) Nofx - "Linoleum"
13) Josh Martinez and awol one - "Strut" (Edit)
14) Jack White - "Love Interruption"
15) Marcus Mumford & Oscar Isaac - "Fare Thee Well"
16) Matt Costa - "Desire's Only Fling"
17) Johnny Cash - "Bird on a Wire"
18) Matt Costa - "Behind the Moon"
19) Handsome Boy Modeling School and Mike Patton - "Are You Down With it"
20) Elliot Smith - "Tomorrow Tomorrow"
21) Marcus Mumford & Justin Hayward - "Don't Think Twice"
22) The Devil Makes Three - "The Plank"
23) Pixies - "Where's my Head"
I did it, good for me! Yay for birthdays.
Birthdays =
For someone like myself, I would go as far back as to kill or scrap the idea of a 12 calender year. In fact I would of vetoed time altogether. Society would of adapted itself by now. The animals know when to sleep, eat, and mate. What if months, years, and time wasn't apart of our lives? Yes, the birthdays and ages would disappear, vanish. This is probably a topic I have no clue on, just a thought. I do hate getting older, especially when I walk into a game store to by a Nintendo WiiU for myself.
"So, is this is for you?"
"Yep"
"You a single father?"
"Nope"
"Ok then $426.49"
"I want to play Cake Mania 4, Ok!"
"......my little brother plays that game"
Play first
Play Second
I have wanted to scrap everything and just run so many times, just burn all my shit and explode. The one time I was determine in my life (granted I was drunk and it was January, cold, and snowy) I was living in Reno and I said fuck this shit, I'm walking to the ocean. I got to the end of the street before my best friend held me down, I never fought so hard to get free in my life. I never made it to the ocean that time, but years later I returned to toss a bottle into the ocean, with a message that has yet to be read.
Step one: Press play
Step two: Smile
Step three: Profit
Well I should be asleep, however I have been ignoring something close to me. Ignoring it for almost all of my life. I am a terrible person. Oh-Ho-Hum....
This is something that could make me happy, but not rich, although in the long run collectively healthy. I may have ingested scars on to it and gush the stabbing-stabbers of daggers through it, though time takes away all of it. The beat goes on'n'on'n'on.....
For many year I have been the clumsy buffoon known as the Tin Woodsman. Except the only difference was Mr. Woodsman wanted a heart. A girl came into his life and led him to a heart. Although she did ditch him, told the scarecrow that he was her favorite, then click her heals and she was gone. Years later Tin, now its just a rumor, but he turned into a green goofy monster who's heart shrank three whole sizes. Not to mention he stole Christmas presents and such, every Christmas Eve. He was pretty much a bad ass, so he thought.
I know its there, but I need to make it thump to the right beat again. I suppose it's just time to listen to it more. My brain is cloudy sometimes and my gut always thinks its going to starve, but my heart heats up, releasing butterflies, and on may occasions slurs my speech. Hang on let me take a moment close my eyes and listen.............There I listened and it won't be easy, but its saying happiness takes time, so....hurry the fuck up :)
I have idea.
Do What the Heart Says Challenge
Day 1: Hug a stranger/Blog
Day 2: Ask someone how they are doing/Blog
Day 3: Make 5 people smile/Blog
Day 4: Share a song together with someone/Blog
Day 5: Bake (anything) share it without eating one thing/Blog
Day 6: Write a nice note then place it anonymously in public so anyone will be touched by it/Blog
Day 7: Buy someone hungry food and listen to their story/Blog
Day 8: Remind yourself your never to busy to listen and call someone/Blog
Day 9: Take 10 pictures/ Blog
Day 10: Write a letter and put it in a bottle to throw it in the ocean or big body of water
Day 11: Write ten great things about yourself
Day 12: Buy flowers for anyone?Blog
Day 13: Get rid of things you will never use or need!/Blog
Day 14: Plan for something big and follow through/Blog
Day 15: Buy a box of Cheerios and replace it with the stale box from 4 years ago, this time eat them /Blog
Day 16: Take a nap in the grass or lay down a enjoy it
Day 17: Give a book to someone, sign it, and tell them read it then sign it and pass it along
Day 18: Eat better, the heart will respond better/Blog
Day 19: Watch Groundhogs Day and know the meaning of it/ Blog
Day 20: Do something no one who knows you would never expect you to do
Remind yourself that life can be like your best day ever.
I said I have an idea, I didn't say I was going to do it!
I had a request to start recommending movies. I will try and match movies with each of my blogs.
I Should be Asleep..............but I started binge watching Robin Williams today as most are or have done so today. He was a great talent that will be lost. I can't help but think as I watched a few of his movies and a half dozen comic clips that I don't think someone could stop him from doing what he did. Williams used a cycle of making people smile, cultivating audiences, and the miles of laughter he brought to all of us year after year we will all cherish. I watched a few interviews where Williams looked terribly sad. I mean down in the dumps shitty. It is sometimes easier to ignore the clues when that someone is the life of the party, super funny, hilarious to everyone except, when it comes to their selves they can't get themselves to laugh at all. They seem to make the world around them shine full of laughter and then close the door and stair at the wall and wonder where their joy is. Sadly, I don't think anyone would of saved that man that night. When someones done they are done. He found his own way out. I can't lie, for the next few days I am gonna visualize a scenario of Williams last 10 minutes alive. Questions I will never have answered. I know that, I'll just enjoy what he left us with. I hoped he would of...........It doesn't really matter now.
He always seem to make me laugh, even when he
was in a bad movie. I only met him once on the set of "Father's Day". He
was playing the fake slot machines between takes, while Billy Crystal
hid in his trailer. I had a cup full of fake coins and
was told to stand next to the same slot machine. I stood and watched
him laugh while he pulled the arm of the slot machine. While I was
watching with in arm length away we made eye contact. I said Hi He
said, "Hi" .....and from there a magical conversation that made me smile
for that 30 minutes was one of the best experience I have had on a
movie set. He didn't care what I asked him, he just wanted to know more
about me. In the end -He said- It was a pleasure to you may I sign your
socks? I only had a napkin, but he signed and I placed it in a book.
Some of my favorite movies from Robins Williams are
6. What Dreams May Come
5. Insomnia
4. Popeye
3. One Hour Photo
2. The Fisher King
1. Toys ( I have always gotten grief for this one)
Toys is visual stunning for its time, unique, weird, strange, sad, odd, and I love it!
-Thank you for sharing -
Death scares the hell out of me, because I know I haven't seen or witnessed enough of it. I retired from stand up after 3 shows, not because I sucked at it (I did), but I could see this dark tunnel sucking me in.
Some sign of depressions I witness with others
- They are always wishing what they did in the past.
- Drinking Alone....(all the time)
- Isolation, becoming a mole
- Thinking it's to late in life for anything good happen
- Rapidly becoming to comfort in an unhealthy environment
I should be asleep, but I just got off the phone with my mom after a lengthy phone chat, to I had ended by saying, "It was nice talki....listening to you". She had called me to say sorry. Sorry for the way she was never there to guide me in a direction I had wanted to go in life or school or even to fully back my decisions, even if I would of failed at them later. I could be saying, "When I was 24 I tried to audition for Corky in "Life Goes On"and now I could said I did it and failed, but it felt so good to try it because people were backing me. Instead she would say things that I should be doing. I'm not sure, but if she would of guided me I don't think I would be sitting here writing this. Maybe I am a good example of what not to be.
Parent: Hey Ann, you see that old guy going to school?
Ann: Yeah
Parent: Don't be that guy, he is one lost soul.
So of course I told her it wasn't her fault (4 out of 37 words I got to use in about a 2 hour conversation). She is a great lady, but the last ten years she has lived in the past and regrets. Which I have told her on many occasions that approach to life has no effect on her kids at all. None what so ever, well maybe one, but 2 out of 3 ain't to shabby as a parent. However she got me thinking, to the point where the bottom of my eyes are flooded and I refuse to blink. Not gonna happen. I have sailed throughout my whole life without a leader, mentor, a rock, a shoulder, supporter and I am lost, still. The older I get the less passion for finding dreams vanish. Poof. Ladies? Ha, I have missed at least 4, well as of recently 5 times now. I really let the great ones slip out, they caught the boat. While I just missed the boat. For the last few years I have felt like a man who has been damned. I try to escape in a joke or some random act of goofiness. I think it would of also helped if someone said just one time say that I was good at something, just once. I am always telling my mother it's always easier to be sad than it is to be happy.
If I was a drunk I bet this blog entry would be a few pages longer. You as the reader (if you had made it this far, you are one lucky person) I'm not a drunk I have only had a few drinks tonight, this Evian is kicking my ass.
Well Its time to fall or try to fall asleep. Last night I had a dream someone wanted to show me something in their bag, I was excited to see it, until they had pulled out a gun and shot me in the face. I fell sideways in a closet with my ears ringing. I laid with one eye gazing forward laying on my side. I never had thought to mention to myself.......I hope this is a dream.
I should be asleep, but I think it's about time I try some of my own fad diets. I have to much time on my hands at night. The mind starts tick and thinking. I'm not sure if all my bright ideas come in the shower or late at night. I have this bolt of energy for a few minutes at night. Clearly it's a bolt of brilliants on my part.
Changes!
I will cut down on eating full strips of bacon to bacon bits
I will get M&M Airs, the delicious chocolate shell, that's it just the shell
I will try to cut down on my pillow talks at work, I will leave them on the bed and hope they don't run away
I will get my erotic (untitled finger puppet) novel published, before I own a lawn chair
Oh, and I have to cut out soy altogether. Lord knows if my bitch tits
get bigger I'm gonna have start breast feeding homeless again. Some of
them can be so God-damn chatty while sucking on my teet. Not to mention if they
make themselves laugh ....... Don't look for me at Home Depot or Jo-ann Fabrics, I won't holla back at a homieless who cut me.
The word "again" is really an awful word.
Here is an example from my unpublished screenplay called
"It's Only 37% Finished"
Grave Robber 1
This grave robbing is, pretty fun
Grave Robber 2
Shut up, we gotta find Elves' Sideburns to get into the cult of personalities. Dig up this one.
Grave Robber 1
We shoulda' dung brought a flashlight, I can't even see me blink
Grave Robber 2
Dig fast, you know we left the last remaining flashlight at Arbys.
Grave Robber 1
Gawd, I'd love me some Arfbys.
Grave Robber 2
It's Ar-bys, the f is silent. Ya' Shit whistle!
Grave Robber 1
Hey, I hit something!
Grave Robber 2
Well Gippering Bon Jon Jon Jovi open the lid.
Grave Robber 1
Aww sweet I think it's a fresh stiff chick, yeekard Bingo Brother!
Grave Robber 2
Do ya (authentic pause) Do, ya wanna borrow my condom again?
Eh, well, didn't I tell you? You probably didn't twice! Ok read it again, without the word again. I'll wait...................................................................freackin' Gone with the Wind territory huh?
If you want to know what is going on or even had the smallest thought of what its like in my head with out drugs......I suppose it look a little like this.
Rock over London, Rock on Chicago, and now you know and knowing is part of the battle G.I. Joe
I had found a new friend with the night time. The Night Time! We started sharing this bond when I was working in radio some years back. So, I have always stayed up late, sometimes we have a threesome with the Rain. Ha, go figure. Now that I think of it, what hell have I been doing all these years? Staying up late, well, I should be asleep, but instead I dug out my Nintendo 64.
The system that proved to everyone that controls could look like the pointy end of a pitch fork. Only to rest ten centimeter away from the lower abdominal region. Every N64 game cartridge was grey with no damn label on the end. This means, if you have a stack of them, you would have go through every game. Conker's Bad Fur Day was one of the last Nintendo 64 games. Basically a squirrel wakes up from a hangover goes on an adventure fighting shit monsters and replenishing his life with bottles of booze. Funny story and clever writing is a far cry from its almost impossible controls.
I flipped through 37 games. I found Super Mario 64, the game known for its terrible awkward camera views and bright yellow stars. The basic object is collect champagne colored star, trah-la-la through the castle, pick up Boswer by his tail spin him in circles so hes to dizzy to speak, unclog the toilet Luigi just plugged, collect more steeeers, and save Princess Peachypants.
I should be asleep, but I have only collected 79 stars (there could be more) and I need to drop off Luigi at rehab in the Shyguy level. He has overdosed on Toad's psilocybins tea. Maybe tomorrow I will hunt down a Laser Disc player. Because God knows I love to get up half way through a movie and flip the disc!
