The Prediction Show NFL 2013...Just a Hunch

I love football.
I hate when my team looses. (testosterone level falls)
I hate when the Packers, Redskins, Giants, Eagles, 49ers, Steelers, Broncos, and Patriots win!
I love getting lost in the games.
I love the feeling when my team wins. (testosterone level raises)

Along with football, comes fall. Autumn, is a beautiful. Summer, is a beautiful liar!
Halloween and hoodies.

And Football!

For the last two years, I have really tried to predict the out come.
I'm always right.
The teams just never listen to me.
So, I would like to try this again.
Maybe they will listen.

AFC - American Football Conference

EAST - A pathetic division, a bunch of dicks and classless swaggers

New England Patriots - (10 - 6) See east, Brady can suck-it!
Buffalo Bills - (8 - 8) You know why the Bills can't have any cereal? Because they lost all their bowls.
Miami Dolphins - (5 - 10) The two wins come from the Jets, one win from the Patriots, and two other wins from the Heat.
New York Jets - (1 - 15) Face the facts, even on toilet paper Tebow is an awful player. In their only win, the defense sacks the unknown comic Arizona Cardinals QB for a safety 2 - 0 Jets win.

NORTH - Dirty, Dirty, Dirty

Baltimore Ravens - (12 - 4) This team is tough, rough, and sometimes stupid. Keep focused, see you in the Super Bowl.
Cincinnati Bengals  - (9 - 7) Super Sleeper Team, ACTIVATE! Wait, wait, wait, this isn't right! Or is it?
Pittsburgh Steelers - (7 - 9) All I can say is, the Browns and Bengals are a helluva lot better. Stop! Can you win, stop? Get a cheerleader squad already, stop! Send it.
Cleveland Browns - (6 - 10) At least, from what I hear, Cleveland has a kick-ass toy store.

SOUTH - Here Comes the Honey Boo-hoo Express!!

Houston Texans - (10 - 6) If the QB (Schaub) can control his (and not this) team, They could be tough in the playoffs.
Tennessee Titans - (8 - 8) Most of the defense is old, good receivers, over-rated running back (Johnson), and no Super Bowl WINS.
Indianapolis Colts - (7 - 9) Colts fans are excited about, 2014. When these young Colts will turn into Stallions!
Jacksonville Jaguars - (3 - 13) This is how the Jags will win games this year.

Doddalee Doo, Doddalee Do......And mark that down in the win column.

WEST - Homies, Pudwackers, Small Sparks..........and the Chiefs.

Oakland Raiders - (?? - ??) I hate this division. Although the Raiders represented (or tried to) the AFC in 2003. They were the last team in this division to do so.
Denver Donkeys (??Broncos??) - Manning will be hurt in the first game. Jim Druckenmiller is forced out of retirement for more Bronco losses.
San Diego Super(lame) Chargers - (?? - ??)This is the only team that plays as if they were on the field in a swarm of honey bees.
Kansas City Chiefs - (?? - ??) me laughing .... yes the first 10 or so seconds is me laughing.......Horrid I know, like the season for the KC Chiefs!

  NFC - National Football Conference

EAST- I will always hate 3 of these teams.

Dallas Cowboys - (11 - 5)
New York Giants (G-men) - (8 - 8) The Giants still haven't thanked the 49ers or Kyle Williams for last year.
Philadelphia Eagles - (8 - 8)  Suckie, oooooo are you an Eagles fan? I'm sorry. *chucking a D battery at you*
Washington Redskins - (8 - 8) Mike Ditka said it best, defenses win games, not the all new RJ3 bot...*Bloop Blorp fizzzz 

NORTH - We call that snow, yes even in Detroit.

Green Bay Packers - (12 - 4) Yeah they're going to be ok, but I rather watch listen to Bubble Puppy and eat Limburger cheese, than watch anymore stupid wrestling belt touchdown dances.
Detroit Lions - (9 - 7) I think they are good.....just something about the word "HYPE", I just don't trust.  Remember "The Green Lantern"? Burger King and Sprite believed the hype!
Chicago Bear - (8 - 8) Remember when the BEARS went to the Super Bowl? You don't? Ask a Colts fan. Sorry can't help you, Cowboys fan.
Minnesota Vikings - (5 - 11) I couldn't figure out, much to brag about, well Prince lives there. They have ten thousand lakes! Ok, but slow down Slug.

SOUTH - Ludacris, Master P, T Pain, and Stephen Colbert

New Orleans Saints - (11 - 5) No coach and signs of hurricanes, this season should only feel like a three hour tour to victory. The weather may get a little tough in the playoffs.
Carolina Panthers - (8 - 8) Cam Newton will make or break this team in 2013. 
Atlanta Falcons - (7 - 9)They rely on the "Deep Threat" pass attack way to much. FYI If you google "Deep Threat", you're gonna have a bad time.......or you may like big black porn stars.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - (5 - 11) They are still ashamed of this

WEST - Wow, I had no idea St. Louis was that close to the Pacific Ocean. Yeah! Reading Rainbow!

Seattle Seahawks (11 - 5) This young powerful will shock everyone this year. That is why I'm laying down 5 bucks (Thanks Jake) for them to represent the NFC in the this years Super Bowl.

San Francisco 49ers - (9 - 7) Super hard schedule, minus the 2 time the play the Cardinals. So I dunno.

St. Louis Rams - (6 - 10) I still have no clue why Jeff Fisher would coach a team who beat him in the Super Bowl. Oil and Water? V and D? Gordon Ramsay in an Arbys Kicthen?     

Arizona Cardinals - (2 - 14) No QB, No D, Empty seats, still 94 degrees in December......Kurt please come back, but leave your wife at home.

SUPER BOWL 2013

will

be

VS.

Seattle wins 27 - 19

Good night!

The Carelessmind

I Can Only Handle So Much

It happened again. I wasn't ready for it, I'm actually never ready for it when it happens. 

Play the video now.

Continue to read.

I will tell you about the first time. As you may have notice I walk as if there is an earthquake happening all the time. I except that. I can however walk and chew gum at the same time. It takes a lot of concentration, but I make my dreams possible. I lived in a one bedroom apartment in the armpit of Reno, NV. The walls were glossy from years of body sweat. The dishwasher only wanted to work on Fridays. My tub was filled with headless duck stickers. The cabinets were held together by the work force of termites holding hands. There was a homeless couple digging through the trash every morning at 6am. All they wanted were cans. More quiet tin cans. They also drug around  three other silent trash bags full of cans. Cans that never touch each other in the bag. Why? Cause they knew I liked to sleep. I never slept passed 6:05 am. Fuck CANS are LOUD.

The carpet, a beautiful light brown stained piece of shag (as my dad would say when something is cheaply made) "made by them China people tinkering on Mondays at 11:39pm. This carpet was so worn out, small threads in the shape of loops began to rise. One morning, oh around 6AM! I woke up from cans telling themselves to be quiet. Needless to say I was going to out and offer the homeless couple my wheel barrel. Unfortunately I didn't quit make it. I found myself laying face down in my living room. In shock, I picked myself up and went along to other fantastic projects. Something wasn't right though. I remembered being in a lot of pain before I hit the ground. I heard the sound of duct tape being pulled and a slight breeze to a newly open flesh wound. My big toe nail ripped off. A small piece of my toe nail caught the carpet loop just right. I sat on the couch figuring out what to do with a big toe nail while applying first aid. I was in shock I just put the toe nail in the silverware drawer. 

Later that night I had a girl over for Chinese food. She had no idea how to use chop sticks and grew impatient. I told here there is a fork in the silverware draw. I don't think she said goodbye, we were only four minutes into Letterman too.

I loose my big toe nail at least once a year now. 

And the Distant Scream

I was very excited to go out tonight. We got four tickets for Jack White. It was my buddy, his girlfriend and I. A small side note, after seeing tonight's show, I can easily say Jack White has great story abilities in his song writing. Todays Beatles of story telling, perhaps.

We parked about a mile away (sold out) and all we had to do is walk up 742 flights of stairs, thats all. And that was just to get to the gate. We hand our tickets over -

SCAN - "Sorry no good"

SCAN - "Sorry no good"

SCAN - "No good

SCAN - "Is she with you, and no good"


"You will have to go down the stairs, turn right go down the hill to the box office."
"Why is the box office all the way down there? That's a long walk."
"It's Denver, every ones in shape."
"I didn't know if I should taken that as a complement, then my gut told me start my decent downstairs with my head down low.""Shut up Gut!"


I guess I don't feel guilty for eating hot dog buns and Smarties for dinner again. At the end of the first set of stairs was a cab. Sweet! All four of us pile in.

Cabbie - "That will be five bucks."

BAM - 5

Cabbie - "Each"

All four of us pile out of the cab.

About 40 minutes go by and we are there, where? I dunno, but we are in. And, there were more stairs, awesome! We were in the bottom right and the top far left had open seating. Alright! We haul ass up stairs, everyone buys beers, I drank water, we cruise through the Red Rock Museum, stop, get some shirts, I get more water, and we make our way over.

Full!

So after hours of walking, we stand in the trees. The view was nice if you stood, so I stood. Watching this amazing show. Jack White stood center stage with his band of ladies in white dresses (8 altogether).
The set up was odd and unique, in a rectangle shape. White was almost trapped inside this rectangle of women. I have never really seen a drummer set up by the singer, it was neat. Then it hit me forty minutes in, I drank to much water. Down the stairs I go to the concession stand. I figure there is a bathroom there. I ask the popcorn dude.

"Bathrooms?"

Popcorn Guy - "Ok, so what you want to do is go down a few flight of stairs turn left go down more stairs, turn left and its against the wall."

"*sigh*"

The good thing was I could here the concert still, the bad thing was (no not the stairs) I could hear a little girl (maybe 4 years old) crying too. My first reaction was it's 10pm. Why are there little kids at a loud concert? Oh well hope she ok, still no clue where the scream was coming from. So, back up stairs I go. Im half way to the concessions when I look over the edge. I see two people fighting with their little girl crying. There conversation echoes up the rock. It's a good excuses to rest my feet and look at the view.

Man - "I left to go to the bathroom what happened?"
Woman - "She was walking along side of me on the fence post, she slipped."
Man - "Are you ok sweetie, what hurts?"
Little Girl - "My vagina hurts"

And with that my feet were ready to walk again. I heard "Icky Thump" as I walked back to my standing position under the trees where there was a guy pissing.

Me - "Really?"
Guy - "I'm not hiking up down them stairs"
Me - "Just walk down the fence post."

You still rock Mr.White.

The Times in My Life

I was talking to a friend in Reno last night. This person (whom will rename nameless) is married and has no children. We actually talked on the phone for forty five minutes. I had a feeling something was up. I never get phone calls, execpt from my mom and dad. I guess it's kind of sad. I know it's a two way street. I call someone and someone calls me back kinda thing. I always feel uncomfertable calling, my thought process is always ticking -

"Hello"

- Am I calling at the wrong moment.

- They are probably busy, are you busy?

- Oh you're eating dinner, as in a meal at the table with your family. Home cooked meal? Yum, fuuuuck.

When I get a call, I stop whatever I am doing. You get my whole attention regardless of what I'm doing. This is very personal to me. You took the time out of your day and wanted to hear my voice or opinion or my yammering.In my ma's chase, I don't really get to talk. It's ok though. It's nice just to hear a voice, instead of *ping* coming from your pocket. Sometimes I put my phone on vibrate. Texts are nice but there is nothing like hearing someones voice.

My friend tonight said it would be great to change places with me for just one day? My imitate reaction was, "Did you marry the wrong person?", "Are you not happy?" I know a few people who are very happy in their married life. My parents are divorced, and I am single. I thought hard why would this person would want my life for a day? A day isn't that bad, I guess. I always messed up in my past relationships (never cheated or any of that matter) I guess we never fit. Oil and water call it what it was. Some were tough hills, but I made it over. This put steel around my heart, I let no one in, I never get hurt. I have come find out there are an abundant of holes in the steel . My friend is scared because there is talk of a kid. Big deal so theres talk of a kid. I live such a playboy life style with my fancy yacht collection, my loose women, and fast cars. It's more like, open a box of Golden Grahams and watching re-runs of Roseanna in my underpants. Although lately, I have more activities on my plate. Fun!

Me - "So, I have to ask, why me?"
"...................................................."
Me - "Are you there?"
"Because I wanna be more like you."
Me - "......................................................"
"Are YOU there, hello?"
Me - "I'm here........................"

I never asked why. Deep down inside, I would like think I know why.

2012 Movies ...I Love so far....not like, Love.

I have loved more movies this year, than at this point last year. It's a good sign that things have escalated at the box office.
HOWEVER!!!!
There were some bad movies that made a ton of money this year too.

Worst Movies of the year, in my eyes!

3.  The Hunger Games - Yes, I was bored to tears in this PG-13 nonsense. The clothing was a huge rip off of "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey". Did anyone even look hungry?

2. A Thousand Words - Eddie Murphys back, and theres a tree, and leaves fall from it, and, why aren't you laughing, thats funny shit......this movie sat on the shelf for almost four years. Theres NO need for it.

1. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - This is bad, stay away, way away, so far away. I wanna punch Nick Cage  in the nose, and I don't like punching, it's mean. 

There were a handful of movies that I did refuse to see...MAGIC MIKE! Anything with Tyler Perry. The lame January horror movies. 

I also thought  there were some movies that tried to hard - The Dictator and American Reunion 

Here are my top five (Highly Recommended) films I loved this year so far.


TOP 5 Best Loved Movies by me!


5. Cabin In the Woods - The movie directed by "The Avengers" Joss Whedon, and then sat on the shelves for a few years! Why, the only thing they should of changed was the marketing, and possibly the title. I smell cult classic.

4. Wanderlust - I dunno about you, but I like laughing til it hurts. I have a warped sense of humor. While others may of passed it by (I think the title was the weakest thing) I was there on opening night. True story, I laughed and was told to laugh quieter. Rudd Rules!

3. Safety, Not Guaranteed - Lost love and a time machine, in one classified ad. Sign me Up! The script and the acting is what makes this movie shine. I love a movie that makes you wanna talk about it on the way home.

2. Moonrise Kingdom - Com'on Bill Murray in a Wes Anderson film. The story is great and it would be safe to say Anderson is the king of dry humor. For many years my favorite was "The Life Aquatic", but its been dethrone. 

1. Take this Waltz - A simple low budget movie that I wished I never saw. It scaring sometimes when a story charcter nails your very own persona, the way others may see you, how you act, and YOUR FAULTS!!! Seth Rogan goes out of his way to act like me (minus the my gangsta lean and the chicken)Oh man this was a great movie though. I don't even care if Sarah Silverman and Michelle Williams had a shower scene. The whole movie felt so real. Its always fun to dream that, "hey I could be the IronMan", but when dreams come to be reality and its in the form of a movie .Wow! Its erie to watch yourself when you had no idea it was coming.

My Top 10 Movies of 2011

Face it, I came to terms that I did not cry this year in the theater.

#10. Fright Night (2011)

The year that Collin Farrell could do no wrong. Although I did like "Horrible Bosses", on the second viewing of it, I felt Farrell was the only character who stood out. Sorry Mutherfucker Jones was simply ok.

#9. Win Win 

I love Paul Giamatti. Last year we had "Barney's Version". Win Win is dry and may lack to much real life for some who may want the "Harry Potter" mojo.

#8. Rango

I haven't liked a CGI/Cartoon since, "Monsters Inc". Now "Rango" is edgy for a kid movie. From the spaghetti western themes to an evil (looking) bad guy who appears at the end. 

#7. Life in a Day

If you are ever wondering if there is a movie that is breathtaking, real, and defines your life to be not as bad as it seems, then watch this movie. Everyone everywhere should watch this film that was shot on one. You will travel the world in one day.

#6. Everything Must Go

2011 must be the year of Dramadies. Theres nothing wrong with it. Will Farrell is amazing. 

#6. We Need to Talk About Kevin

....and the winner is.....John C Reilly for 2011 beating out buddy Will Farrell. With "We Need To..", the weird odd ball movie "Terri", and "Carnage" Reilly is by far a smooth actor with major chops. 

#5. Dale and Tucker vs. Evil

Yes! This is the perfect horror/comedy. Also perfect for those who don't like horror movies, but like laugh to at stupids. 

#4. Drive

Good example of how silence and pauses create an intense atmosphere...................... "wheres......... my...........scorpion..............jacket?" See! Ok, well I have chiseled abs too, but they are just coated for the winter time.

#3. Source Code

From the director of "Moon" comes this is a great movie, better than "Super 8". I actually hated "Super 8". 

#2. Midnight in Paris

Been awhile since I really enjoyed a Woody Allen film. Seinfeld moment,"but whats the deal with Rachel McAdams, bleh........

#1. Cedar Rapids

John C. Reilly is the man of 2011. I laughed my ass off. This movie may not be for everyone, but it was truly for me. I have no problems giving a comedy a #1 spot, as long as it did its job. 

Preparing Yourself for Future Blogs from The Careless Mind

Ok..........
In this section, you will learn how to prepare yourself for future Careless Mind blogs.

Please follow the steps as I lay them out for you. If you can't handle this, then please shut off your computer, you pussy.

STEP 1 -

Breath in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth.

STEP 2 -

Picture yourself swallowing a slightly melted cube of butter down your throat. While your teeth are super glued together, your gag reflexes are in full motion.

STEP 3 -

While still entertaining step two at the same time, I need you to pretend to ride a bike. This is a special bike. In fact the seat is now a recently sharpened #2 pencil. It slides carefully
into you as you sit. Be careful not to sneeze or chuckle for the #2 pencil will easily poke
against your inners as you ride along a rocky path down hill.

STEP 4 -

This is by the most important step. Remember butter in throat and #2 pencil jammed in your ass. Cut your eye lids of with a pair of dull garden shears as you view season three of Designing Women on repeat.

STEP 5 -

Wash, rinse, piss fire, and repeat.

Now you should be fully prepared.
If that's not painful enough, please continue to read the future blogs when posted.