B - You Exist

2023 has kept me busy. I have been to more major cities this year, than in years past. For the last two years I had an office job, in which I gained 20lbs, just from sitting on my fat ass. While, it was a nice change of pace, I came to where I hated it. I had no interaction with others. I worked on a team with three other people, one of which was my boss. Nobody cared for my googly eye hi-jinx. Everyone there thought we conducting brain surgery, everyone was always stressed, when in fact we were producing slot and lottery machines. We were actually making things that some people get highly addicted too. There would be days where I wouldn't talk to anyone and I would go home to my single studio apartment and sit there alone. I think the longest I went without saying a word was three days. I said, aw shit. because my rent was due soon. And I hated paying nearly $1200 for a 315 square foot apartment in the ghetto. I would walk out to used toilets resting by my door. With a door frame that was perviously kick in, but then painted over, as if it were brand new. New paint is only a temporary cover, for problems that exist beneath. 

   Among the days I was silent, I met someone. I had stopped looking, after the last few heartbreaks. She was going through a major war. A war she never thought would happen. A war she was about to surrender to, by not existing anymore. I knew right away she needed to be healed, but we can only fix ourselves. So I knew that instead of fixing I would attempt to heal with laughter and show my venerable stupid side. The side that really shouldn't come out until third or fourth date. (Seen below)

The first video of her I saw, she was at a karaoke bar, and the moment she smiled was the first time I felt my heart beat again. No one has ever done that to me. I lost my breath, I was hyperventilating. If I weren't on the phone watching this, I would have called 911. My whole body became weak, the spine released a tingly rapid sensation that shot up and down my back, causing my shoulders to continuously shiver in the most inviting way. I finally did it, I fell in love at first site. She existed. She still gives me that same feeling whenever I see her. The problem is.........she lives in a different area code. I wanted to do everything I could for her. First off, make everyday seem special and every holiday make better than the pervious year. March 17th was our first date. I drove 8 hours and 5 minutes one way to see her. (I'm getting so emotional right now). It was St.Patricks day. The first time I saw her, she had torn up jeans that showed off her tattoos and a ridiculous green shirt her mom made her wear. I had got an air bnb, and set up food and Irish whiskey with a few gifts for her. The moment we embraced is equaled to that of a small child's reaction to waking up on Christmas to a puppy that they had been asking for. We held each other, close and as we kissed, without hesitation, we kissed and held each other, taking shots and talking until we both passed out. There was a moment during the night where I threw my arm around her, only for her to quickly throw it off of her, but a half a second later, after she realized she was safe, grabbed my arm and threw it back over herself. The next day I took her out on our first date. We were off to Medieval Times, she said she had a friend that worked there as a knight. I paid for us to get the best seats in the house, well I tried. Her friend was a Red Knight and we were in the Yellow section. We got a picture of us before we were seated, but the picture did not come out at the end. Although at the end of dinner, she was crowed Queen of the Night and had taken a picture with the winning Red Knight. So on our first date she got a picture, it just wasn't with her and I. But that didn't matter because she existed and she was with me. I just wanted her to feel like she mattered. She did, and she still does. To this very day, she is loved even more than before. She never needs a coat of paint, she is not damaged goods. Problems are solved, through time. We will all have problems and issues in life, but if we find the right support team, then life becomes a bit easier. The beauty of our existents becomes visible. She exists, even when she thinks she doesn't. She is amazing, an animal lover, a food connoisseur, a healer, a helper, a smart, funny and truly a wonderful matching soul.

I love you, B.