It’s Valentine’s Day!! Don’t Read if You Don’t Like the Picture

Fuck! Why does this so-called holiday have to exist? There should be a non-governmental committee to change this holiday. We could call it the group of cool people for the district planet earth-472, earthly changes that will not effect anyones daily life cycle. The alternative names for February 14 would be - Happy Fight Club Day, Happy Fuck You Day, Happy Depression Day, Happy Sharpen Knives in a Shady Park Day or Happy Tap That Day. Let's face it flowers die and chocolate just makes you fat. My heart this year is still in 1 million pieces, it's nothing new, this is what I'm used to. For a moment, I did feel so warmth of my beating heart, it was a goddamn breathless moment. But nevertheless it's back to its original state of shatterness.

However something new is there this time, it's a sense of numbness, like I have no feelings for anything at all. And the scary thing is I am kinda OK with it. Yeah I know that is probably not the right thing to do going forward. But I can't help how fucked up I feel inside. And I pushed a lot of people away because of it. And I'm still OK with it but I know it's not right. Am I alive or am I just kidding myself. I'm fearless but I'm scared, physically I can take pain, but emotionally I'm stuck with pain. You could be the nicest person in the world, be loving, caring and be a giver, but when you don't realize that you are mean thats terrifing. At least a bully knows when they are being mean. They don't sugar coat it. So fuck my feelings they don't need anymore exposure moving forward. I'll just start writing about fake plastic trees and bury little emotion. It just takes some time but I will be back to the ol "used" me in no time. ............I've always searched for change, but I never found it. So I ran, I'm done running. < class="separator" style="clear: both;">