Childhood Education Part 1

Growing up, I learned, not a lot, but I learned..........was eventually better, than I had thought.

Elementary school 
First off I was an easy target for bullies. And for sure, sure I tell ya why. It was third grade, the year I was released out of the hospital. I was in a comma for a month, I didn't even know what the world was, but apparently I remembered  I liked baseball. While I was in the hospital I had to learn to talk, walk eat, piss and deal with the future of pain. I was 7. I was held back in the middle of the school year to 2nd grade. I was mad at the world I didn't even know existed. kids made fun of my walk, but there was nothing I could do about that. So I pressed on.


2nd Grade-

How do you spell the word Children?  Easy remember it's a Child (r)ead (e)very (n)ight

  -I totally spelled that word wrong on my spelling test, but I did spell the state "Mississippi" right. I remembered the "ipp" still makes me chuckle. Stop what ever you are doing at this portion and spell "assertive" out loud. Ready, GO! . . . Stop! Haha ass. Now hold your tongue and say the word purse and ship. Hehe, and that was 2nd grade. Oh yeah and Rebecca peed her pants in class. I didn't care, she was always stealing my scratch'n sniff stickers off of my art drawings of the Three Amigos.

3rd Grade-

My grandfather would buy me candy, mostly Tootsie Pops and fake cigarettes. Little did I know that these were a hot commodity on the playground of an elementary school located in the middle of BFE. The school is out in the middle of a desert in Nevada two miles from the California boarder. I am glad I was caught, because I was good at hustling product out to the childern in the playground at recess. Lord knows what dark turns I could of taken, if I werent't caught. I sold so much candy in the three weeks I felt like I was a millionaire, with my $37. But one day I was swinging on a swing and fucking Rebecca, lady pee pants, stealer of all stickers. Well she leaned up against the pole and started counting. Back in the day we had to take turns on the swings, one had to count to 20. She made it to 20 in like 2.67 seconds. I continued to swing. And adding to her personality list, she added NARC. Some teacher with witchy glasses, charged over with her clipboard firmly clinched with her skeleton hand and smashed against her bosom. I don't remember her name, but man every little kid hated her. She was a 6th grade teacher, who we all thought was kissing the janitor, Mr. Camp. I know that guy did lots of drugs. He looked like Bob Ross, if Bob Ross went to clown school on crack. So, I had my pockets filled with "the goods" I had to do what any dumb drug dealer would do. I had to ditch that shit son! I leap off he swing and ran. A coaches whistle blew. I didn't want to even turn around, I continued to the chain link fence at the edge of the playground. I then emptied my pockets, tossing all my loot through the diamond shaped holes. I spent that afternoon in the principles office Mr. Crows, he later died a few year after that. He OD'd. I retired.

4th Grade-

Math was and is still so easy for me, but I can't stand it. It is really boring, unless it's a musical Venn Diagram. The classroom was always dark, Mr. Troop had a reaction to florescent lights. I think he was always high. It was nice though, I napped and did math a lot. I never really talked to Mr. Troop, the poor guy always spit a little while he spoke. Multiplication of 9's were the easiest. 1 - 9 x 9 will always ad up to 9. 9x6=54 (5+4=9). Pff lol Math.

5th Grade - 

My first real girlfriend, I guess. I found out the hard way never have your permanent seat by a girlfriend in class. There were fun times, but also there a lot of "why didn't you call me" and "buy me stuff". We didn't make it to 6th grade. I also found out that I was pretty great with a violin, but pretty terrible with a clarinet. I also refused to sing John Denver's Sunshine on my Shoulders. I was in love with Beastie Boys. Paul's Boutique was and still my favorite album. I was listening to more music, but I never sang a song to anyone. You are all welcome. Well ok, I have done Karaoke. My parents started fighting  and arguing more. 6th grade was spent in in two different school. That started a whole new group of friends and shenanigans.