The Prediction Show NFL 2013...Just a Hunch

I love football.
I hate when my team looses. (testosterone level falls)
I hate when the Packers, Redskins, Giants, Eagles, 49ers, Steelers, Broncos, and Patriots win!
I love getting lost in the games.
I love the feeling when my team wins. (testosterone level raises)

Along with football, comes fall. Autumn, is a beautiful. Summer, is a beautiful liar!
Halloween and hoodies.

And Football!

For the last two years, I have really tried to predict the out come.
I'm always right.
The teams just never listen to me.
So, I would like to try this again.
Maybe they will listen.

AFC - American Football Conference

EAST - A pathetic division, a bunch of dicks and classless swaggers

New England Patriots - (10 - 6) See east, Brady can suck-it!
Buffalo Bills - (8 - 8) You know why the Bills can't have any cereal? Because they lost all their bowls.
Miami Dolphins - (5 - 10) The two wins come from the Jets, one win from the Patriots, and two other wins from the Heat.
New York Jets - (1 - 15) Face the facts, even on toilet paper Tebow is an awful player. In their only win, the defense sacks the unknown comic Arizona Cardinals QB for a safety 2 - 0 Jets win.

NORTH - Dirty, Dirty, Dirty

Baltimore Ravens - (12 - 4) This team is tough, rough, and sometimes stupid. Keep focused, see you in the Super Bowl.
Cincinnati Bengals  - (9 - 7) Super Sleeper Team, ACTIVATE! Wait, wait, wait, this isn't right! Or is it?
Pittsburgh Steelers - (7 - 9) All I can say is, the Browns and Bengals are a helluva lot better. Stop! Can you win, stop? Get a cheerleader squad already, stop! Send it.
Cleveland Browns - (6 - 10) At least, from what I hear, Cleveland has a kick-ass toy store.

SOUTH - Here Comes the Honey Boo-hoo Express!!

Houston Texans - (10 - 6) If the QB (Schaub) can control his (and not this) team, They could be tough in the playoffs.
Tennessee Titans - (8 - 8) Most of the defense is old, good receivers, over-rated running back (Johnson), and no Super Bowl WINS.
Indianapolis Colts - (7 - 9) Colts fans are excited about, 2014. When these young Colts will turn into Stallions!
Jacksonville Jaguars - (3 - 13) This is how the Jags will win games this year.

Doddalee Doo, Doddalee Do......And mark that down in the win column.

WEST - Homies, Pudwackers, Small Sparks..........and the Chiefs.

Oakland Raiders - (?? - ??) I hate this division. Although the Raiders represented (or tried to) the AFC in 2003. They were the last team in this division to do so.
Denver Donkeys (??Broncos??) - Manning will be hurt in the first game. Jim Druckenmiller is forced out of retirement for more Bronco losses.
San Diego Super(lame) Chargers - (?? - ??)This is the only team that plays as if they were on the field in a swarm of honey bees.
Kansas City Chiefs - (?? - ??) me laughing .... yes the first 10 or so seconds is me laughing.......Horrid I know, like the season for the KC Chiefs!

  NFC - National Football Conference

EAST- I will always hate 3 of these teams.

Dallas Cowboys - (11 - 5)
New York Giants (G-men) - (8 - 8) The Giants still haven't thanked the 49ers or Kyle Williams for last year.
Philadelphia Eagles - (8 - 8)  Suckie, oooooo are you an Eagles fan? I'm sorry. *chucking a D battery at you*
Washington Redskins - (8 - 8) Mike Ditka said it best, defenses win games, not the all new RJ3 bot...*Bloop Blorp fizzzz 

NORTH - We call that snow, yes even in Detroit.

Green Bay Packers - (12 - 4) Yeah they're going to be ok, but I rather watch listen to Bubble Puppy and eat Limburger cheese, than watch anymore stupid wrestling belt touchdown dances.
Detroit Lions - (9 - 7) I think they are good.....just something about the word "HYPE", I just don't trust.  Remember "The Green Lantern"? Burger King and Sprite believed the hype!
Chicago Bear - (8 - 8) Remember when the BEARS went to the Super Bowl? You don't? Ask a Colts fan. Sorry can't help you, Cowboys fan.
Minnesota Vikings - (5 - 11) I couldn't figure out, much to brag about, well Prince lives there. They have ten thousand lakes! Ok, but slow down Slug.

SOUTH - Ludacris, Master P, T Pain, and Stephen Colbert

New Orleans Saints - (11 - 5) No coach and signs of hurricanes, this season should only feel like a three hour tour to victory. The weather may get a little tough in the playoffs.
Carolina Panthers - (8 - 8) Cam Newton will make or break this team in 2013. 
Atlanta Falcons - (7 - 9)They rely on the "Deep Threat" pass attack way to much. FYI If you google "Deep Threat", you're gonna have a bad time.......or you may like big black porn stars.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - (5 - 11) They are still ashamed of this

WEST - Wow, I had no idea St. Louis was that close to the Pacific Ocean. Yeah! Reading Rainbow!

Seattle Seahawks (11 - 5) This young powerful will shock everyone this year. That is why I'm laying down 5 bucks (Thanks Jake) for them to represent the NFC in the this years Super Bowl.

San Francisco 49ers - (9 - 7) Super hard schedule, minus the 2 time the play the Cardinals. So I dunno.

St. Louis Rams - (6 - 10) I still have no clue why Jeff Fisher would coach a team who beat him in the Super Bowl. Oil and Water? V and D? Gordon Ramsay in an Arbys Kicthen?     

Arizona Cardinals - (2 - 14) No QB, No D, Empty seats, still 94 degrees in December......Kurt please come back, but leave your wife at home.

SUPER BOWL 2013

will

be

VS.

Seattle wins 27 - 19

Good night!

The Carelessmind

I Can Only Handle So Much

It happened again. I wasn't ready for it, I'm actually never ready for it when it happens. 

Play the video now.

Continue to read.

I will tell you about the first time. As you may have notice I walk as if there is an earthquake happening all the time. I except that. I can however walk and chew gum at the same time. It takes a lot of concentration, but I make my dreams possible. I lived in a one bedroom apartment in the armpit of Reno, NV. The walls were glossy from years of body sweat. The dishwasher only wanted to work on Fridays. My tub was filled with headless duck stickers. The cabinets were held together by the work force of termites holding hands. There was a homeless couple digging through the trash every morning at 6am. All they wanted were cans. More quiet tin cans. They also drug around  three other silent trash bags full of cans. Cans that never touch each other in the bag. Why? Cause they knew I liked to sleep. I never slept passed 6:05 am. Fuck CANS are LOUD.

The carpet, a beautiful light brown stained piece of shag (as my dad would say when something is cheaply made) "made by them China people tinkering on Mondays at 11:39pm. This carpet was so worn out, small threads in the shape of loops began to rise. One morning, oh around 6AM! I woke up from cans telling themselves to be quiet. Needless to say I was going to out and offer the homeless couple my wheel barrel. Unfortunately I didn't quit make it. I found myself laying face down in my living room. In shock, I picked myself up and went along to other fantastic projects. Something wasn't right though. I remembered being in a lot of pain before I hit the ground. I heard the sound of duct tape being pulled and a slight breeze to a newly open flesh wound. My big toe nail ripped off. A small piece of my toe nail caught the carpet loop just right. I sat on the couch figuring out what to do with a big toe nail while applying first aid. I was in shock I just put the toe nail in the silverware drawer. 

Later that night I had a girl over for Chinese food. She had no idea how to use chop sticks and grew impatient. I told here there is a fork in the silverware draw. I don't think she said goodbye, we were only four minutes into Letterman too.

I loose my big toe nail at least once a year now. 

And the Distant Scream

I was very excited to go out tonight. We got four tickets for Jack White. It was my buddy, his girlfriend and I. A small side note, after seeing tonight's show, I can easily say Jack White has great story abilities in his song writing. Todays Beatles of story telling, perhaps.

We parked about a mile away (sold out) and all we had to do is walk up 742 flights of stairs, thats all. And that was just to get to the gate. We hand our tickets over -

SCAN - "Sorry no good"

SCAN - "Sorry no good"

SCAN - "No good

SCAN - "Is she with you, and no good"


"You will have to go down the stairs, turn right go down the hill to the box office."
"Why is the box office all the way down there? That's a long walk."
"It's Denver, every ones in shape."
"I didn't know if I should taken that as a complement, then my gut told me start my decent downstairs with my head down low.""Shut up Gut!"


I guess I don't feel guilty for eating hot dog buns and Smarties for dinner again. At the end of the first set of stairs was a cab. Sweet! All four of us pile in.

Cabbie - "That will be five bucks."

BAM - 5

Cabbie - "Each"

All four of us pile out of the cab.

About 40 minutes go by and we are there, where? I dunno, but we are in. And, there were more stairs, awesome! We were in the bottom right and the top far left had open seating. Alright! We haul ass up stairs, everyone buys beers, I drank water, we cruise through the Red Rock Museum, stop, get some shirts, I get more water, and we make our way over.

Full!

So after hours of walking, we stand in the trees. The view was nice if you stood, so I stood. Watching this amazing show. Jack White stood center stage with his band of ladies in white dresses (8 altogether).
The set up was odd and unique, in a rectangle shape. White was almost trapped inside this rectangle of women. I have never really seen a drummer set up by the singer, it was neat. Then it hit me forty minutes in, I drank to much water. Down the stairs I go to the concession stand. I figure there is a bathroom there. I ask the popcorn dude.

"Bathrooms?"

Popcorn Guy - "Ok, so what you want to do is go down a few flight of stairs turn left go down more stairs, turn left and its against the wall."

"*sigh*"

The good thing was I could here the concert still, the bad thing was (no not the stairs) I could hear a little girl (maybe 4 years old) crying too. My first reaction was it's 10pm. Why are there little kids at a loud concert? Oh well hope she ok, still no clue where the scream was coming from. So, back up stairs I go. Im half way to the concessions when I look over the edge. I see two people fighting with their little girl crying. There conversation echoes up the rock. It's a good excuses to rest my feet and look at the view.

Man - "I left to go to the bathroom what happened?"
Woman - "She was walking along side of me on the fence post, she slipped."
Man - "Are you ok sweetie, what hurts?"
Little Girl - "My vagina hurts"

And with that my feet were ready to walk again. I heard "Icky Thump" as I walked back to my standing position under the trees where there was a guy pissing.

Me - "Really?"
Guy - "I'm not hiking up down them stairs"
Me - "Just walk down the fence post."

You still rock Mr.White.

The Times in My Life

I was talking to a friend in Reno last night. This person (whom will rename nameless) is married and has no children. We actually talked on the phone for forty five minutes. I had a feeling something was up. I never get phone calls, execpt from my mom and dad. I guess it's kind of sad. I know it's a two way street. I call someone and someone calls me back kinda thing. I always feel uncomfertable calling, my thought process is always ticking -

"Hello"

- Am I calling at the wrong moment.

- They are probably busy, are you busy?

- Oh you're eating dinner, as in a meal at the table with your family. Home cooked meal? Yum, fuuuuck.

When I get a call, I stop whatever I am doing. You get my whole attention regardless of what I'm doing. This is very personal to me. You took the time out of your day and wanted to hear my voice or opinion or my yammering.In my ma's chase, I don't really get to talk. It's ok though. It's nice just to hear a voice, instead of *ping* coming from your pocket. Sometimes I put my phone on vibrate. Texts are nice but there is nothing like hearing someones voice.

My friend tonight said it would be great to change places with me for just one day? My imitate reaction was, "Did you marry the wrong person?", "Are you not happy?" I know a few people who are very happy in their married life. My parents are divorced, and I am single. I thought hard why would this person would want my life for a day? A day isn't that bad, I guess. I always messed up in my past relationships (never cheated or any of that matter) I guess we never fit. Oil and water call it what it was. Some were tough hills, but I made it over. This put steel around my heart, I let no one in, I never get hurt. I have come find out there are an abundant of holes in the steel . My friend is scared because there is talk of a kid. Big deal so theres talk of a kid. I live such a playboy life style with my fancy yacht collection, my loose women, and fast cars. It's more like, open a box of Golden Grahams and watching re-runs of Roseanna in my underpants. Although lately, I have more activities on my plate. Fun!

Me - "So, I have to ask, why me?"
"...................................................."
Me - "Are you there?"
"Because I wanna be more like you."
Me - "......................................................"
"Are YOU there, hello?"
Me - "I'm here........................"

I never asked why. Deep down inside, I would like think I know why.