Well the NFL is almost back ........all 31 teams
ok, 32 if you are counting the Jags.
ok, 32 if you are counting the Jags.
I will have to work on my font control this year, I swear! By the moon and the stars.... So I hope All 4 One is not stuck in your head. If so my job is have way over. Now to the better half, last year I picked the Seahawks and Ravens. So I will go with my gut feeling this year too. Who and what is out this year?
- The old Dolphins logo - Now its a sunny gay fish, Do you like fish sticks?
- Arron Hernandez - Good!
- Faith Hill - in is the dreadful Carrie Underwood (unnecessary Sunday Night Football intro)
- (lets cross our bibles) Hopefully the malfunctioning Tim Be-blow-blurrrr
- Vikings chances
- The always entertaining replacement Refs
So here is my crafty (or crappy) predictions this year!!
AFC - American Football Conference
EAST - Meet the "Transformers (1, 2 & 3)". Just like Michael Bay, this division is nothing but dicks!
*Miami Dolphins *- (10 - 6) - Sunflower-sunshine dolphins and all of the Sea-world power will beat and win the division over the Patr (I dont even like to spell their name). Beefed up D works, ask gum enthusiast Mike Ditka.
*New England Patriots* - (9 - 7) Brady is carted off the field with conjunctivitis, Brady can still suck-it! (still trending from 2013)
Buffalo Bills - (7 - 9) Here Comes Honey Buffalo Bill Child.....train-wreak, yet in some ways they are slightly entertaining to watch.
New York Jets - (5 - 11) No worries, some how, some way Adam Sandler will put the whole Jets in another one of his shitty movie.
NORTH - "The Departed" Who's good? Who's bad? The peaking order. Only one survives.
*Cincinnati Bengals* - (12- 4) Staff Sgt. Sean Dignam
Baltimore Ravens - (8 - 8) Francis "Frank" Costello
Cleveland Browns - (8 - 8) William "Billy" Costigan, Jr.
Pittsburgh Steelers - (6 - 10) Capt. Oliver Charles Queenan
SOUTH - "The Internship" They once had a good talent, but sadly, forgettable!
*Houston Texans* - (10 - 6) The Texans, Carr needs to be more like Iron Man and less like Tonto.
Indianapolis Colts - (8 - 8) Houston may of just monopolized this division for awhile.
Tennessee Titans - (6 - 10) Fisher phone home? Houston we have several problems!
Jacksonville Jaguars - (3 - 13) The Houston Astros would get their only away win playing theses messy Jags.
WEST - "Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood"
*Denver Donkeys* - (11 - 5) Pirated Cristal
*Kansas City Chiefs* - (9 - 7) Bud Light
Oakland Raiders - (6 - 10) Crip Juice
San Diego Super(lame) Chargers - (4 - 12) Watered down oyster milk
NFC - National Football Conference
EAST- "Spaceballs" Ranking this division is as easy finding a ring with laser in a Cracker jack box.
*Dallas Cowboys* - (10 - 6) Yogurt! "The kids love this one"
Washington Redskins - (10 - 6) Dark Helmet! "I bet she gives great helmet"
New York Giants (G-men) - (8 - 8) Lone Starr/Barf "I'm my own best friend"
Philadelphia Eagles - (5 - 11) Colonel Saudurz "That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole."
NORTH - "Return to Oz" Darker, crazier, and a bit better than it's predecessor
*Green Bay Packers* - (11 - 5) From domination to fail-anation, Rodgers still has weapons. The steam has been running out by playoff time though
*Detroit Lions* - (10 - 6) Don't be shocked to see the Lions and Chiefs in the Super Bowl, not in my lifetime, but it may happen.
Chicago Bear - (10 - 6) Cutler is almost that good, but is still that awful
Minnesota Vikings - (6 -10) You must rebuild Oz, the Wheelers will run over the Vikings.
SOUTH - "Now You See Me" If you are that good, you will stop *poofing* off!
*New Orleans Saints *- (11 - 5) Getting the coach back was a good thing, stopping Brees from pulling a play out of his helmet a better thing.
Atlanta Falcons - (8 - 8)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - (8 - 8) These master magicians put on a show every Sunday. Which Freeman, comes out to play? We will never know, maybe by the fourth quarter.
Carolina Panthers - (6 - 10) Cam in slow motion would look great in toilet paper commercial with Bread play over......
WEST - "Into the Wild" at least two of the four teams will be tough, you decide which two.....
*Seattle Seahawks* - (13 - 3) Again, my Super Bowl pick and Winner this year!
*San Francisco 49ers* - (11 - 5) Is their D as good as last year, fingers point to Dr. Noway Jose
St. Louis Rams - (6 - 10) The Jay Leno of football. Only old people really like you.
Arizona Cardinals - (5 - 11) Slurped up and raw left-overs from the 2013 Raiders. Oh yeah that's a good sign, headed in the right direction, arn'tcha'.
* Play-off teams
Bye teams
AFC - Bengals, Donkeys
NFC - Seahawks, Packers
Super Bowl 2014
Vs.
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